Not too long ago I was asked on a date by someone I hadn’t spoken to in over a year. Besides the fact that I was already in a relationship with someone, I just wasn’t interested in going on a date with this guy. I politely declined his invitation, which was apparently a huge mistake... if you ask him. Needless to say, this guy was pretty determined to get me to say yes after my initial no. It was as if when he requested my presence there would be no way I could ever be so rude as to decline if he asked me ten more times.
What bothered me the most is that it never occurred to him that by asking me so many times I might become uncomfortable. It’s possible that a lot of guys feel they are allowed to bully girls into going on dates with them because we teach women to ‘just give him a chance’ and men are reminded that if they keep trying ‘she’ll eventually come around’. What concerns me the most is that there are so many girls like me who end up pressured into situations they aren’t uncomfortable being in because they feel they can’t stand up to guys like the one that wouldn’t accept a simple ‘no’ from me.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a wonderful thing that guys are able to find the courage to ask a girl out at all. We live in a world that places an unfortunate double standard on men and women. Guys feel a lot of pressure to be the ones to ask the girl out. I applaud anyone who is able to do this because I think we all know that the fear of rejection keeps a lot of us from going out and pursuing a happiness we all want and deserve.
The mistake some of us make is thinking that just because someone takes the time to ask a girl out she should accept. Though it’s admirable that this guy took a risk when he asked me out, what I wish he understood was that there’s a difference between the guy who takes a risk and the guy who took the risk expecting something in return. It’s fine to be disappointed something didn’t work out, but just because he took a leap of faith doesn’t mean I had any obligation to him. I’m not sure why, but this is a difficult concept for some people to grasp.
After making me uncomfortable with his relentless advances, I asked someone else to talk to him because it was apparent I wasn’t going to be able to stop it on my own. Not until another guy stepped in was I finally able to get him to stop suggesting we spend time together or go on dates. What made me fully aware of the ridiculous problem girls face was his response to my asking for help. He threw a fit and asked me if I was the one with the problem because I’d finally stood up for myself and asked that someone else help me.
At this point, it was clear he wasn’t listening to me when I said no the first several times. What I would like to understand now is why he automatically assumed I am in the wrong for standing my ground. One minute this guy wants to date me, but the second I show any assertiveness, he thinks I’m out of my mind.
It is outrageous to think that a great chunk of our population believes horrible things about a woman who won’t waiver to the demands of a man. In my case I had to ask another man to speak to the one harassing me because he would not listen to me, a woman. The voice of an entire gender is seen as so inferior to its male counterpart for absolutely no reason at all. Why is it that instead of just saying ‘No’ when a girl like myself does not want to go on a date with someone, we have to say ‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend’ as if to say, ‘Sorry, I’ve already been claimed by another man’. When another guy stepped in and stood up for me he listened, but when I repeatedly told him no he ignored me. Why is that?
I may never truly understand why this guy felt he could manipulate me into giving him an answer besides the one I gave him from the start. What I do know is that every single day women are attacked verbally or even physically for exercising their freedom of choice and using the word ‘No’.We are becoming a world that scares our daughters into thinking it’s probably best we all say yes to the guy that wants us even if we don’t want them back. Women are great, which is probably one of the many reasons these guys ask us on a date in the first place. But as a woman who embraces all the wonderful things that come with being one, I refuse to accept the kind of treatment that insists I am here as a gift to anyone but myself.
