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A Response To Dove Chocolate

And The Bad Advice It Gives

Ashley Tippit

Oct 31, 2016

Birmingham-Southern College

235

Wordpress

Dove chocolate tastes delicious. When you open those crinkly tin wrappers and prepare to put one of those chocolates in your mouth, the world calms down. With such a creamy richness and serenity, it is only expected that these little treats come with advice scrolled on the inside. Dove cares, right? But, what if the advice is absolutely terrible? So terrible that it wrecks the total luxury of the chocolate? Because that is what happened to me. Here are just a few of the things Dove has gotten wrong:

Read the last page first.

Dove chocolate gave me this advice when I was trying to peacefully enjoy my dark chocolate and caramel truffle. Read the last page first? Unless you are in some kind of scavenger hunt and the only way to win is to know the ending of a book you have never read, this is TERRIBLE advice. Do not read the last page first! If the last page was supposed to be first, it would be the first page! Reading the last page first ruins the discovery of the book! Never ever read the last page first!

Get dressed up with no place to go.

Dove, no! No one in their right mind should take this advice! Think about about all that goes into getting all dressed up. You have to shower, dry your hair, curl or straighten your hair, pluck your eye brows, put on eye shadow, mascara, lip stick, blush, foundation, powder, perfume, lotion, and then pick out four outfits so your roommate can come in and pick out one that was not even one of the four you offered and then you have to find jewelry and shoes AND THEN you are all dressed up. This is a waste of time. Do not get all dressed up with no where to go. It is hard enough to get all dressed up when you actually have to.

Be more loquacious. Starting with learning the word loquacious.

Loquacious means to talk a great deal and let me just tell you- this is terrible advice. People do NOT want you to talk more. I have learned from many years of being the delightful person I am, that people really just don't enjoy when you are "loquacious".

Why not?

This is not even real advice, Dove. This is like when an angsty teen with black nails and a few layers of black eye liner says "But isn't it all just so bleak?" Why not? Please. Dove chocolate, go back to high school or come up with some real advice.

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A Response To Dove Chocolate

And The Bad Advice It Gives

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No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

Told through Parks & Recreation GIFs

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

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