Dove chocolate tastes delicious. When you open those crinkly tin wrappers and prepare to put one of those chocolates in your mouth, the world calms down. With such a creamy richness and serenity, it is only expected that these little treats come with advice scrolled on the inside. Dove cares, right? But, what if the advice is absolutely terrible? So terrible that it wrecks the total luxury of the chocolate? Because that is what happened to me. Here are just a few of the things Dove has gotten wrong:

Read the last page first.

Dove chocolate gave me this advice when I was trying to peacefully enjoy my dark chocolate and caramel truffle. Read the last page first? Unless you are in some kind of scavenger hunt and the only way to win is to know the ending of a book you have never read, this is TERRIBLE advice. Do not read the last page first! If the last page was supposed to be first, it would be the first page! Reading the last page first ruins the discovery of the book! Never ever read the last page first!

Get dressed up with no place to go.

Dove, no! No one in their right mind should take this advice! Think about about all that goes into getting all dressed up. You have to shower, dry your hair, curl or straighten your hair, pluck your eye brows, put on eye shadow, mascara, lip stick, blush, foundation, powder, perfume, lotion, and then pick out four outfits so your roommate can come in and pick out one that was not even one of the four you offered and then you have to find jewelry and shoes AND THEN you are all dressed up. This is a waste of time. Do not get all dressed up with no where to go. It is hard enough to get all dressed up when you actually have to.

Be more loquacious. Starting with learning the word loquacious.

Loquacious means to talk a great deal and let me just tell you- this is terrible advice. People do NOT want you to talk more. I have learned from many years of being the delightful person I am, that people really just don't enjoy when you are "loquacious".

Why not?

This is not even real advice, Dove. This is like when an angsty teen with black nails and a few layers of black eye liner says "But isn't it all just so bleak?" Why not? Please. Dove chocolate, go back to high school or come up with some real advice.