Every time the calendar starts winding down, the go-to conversation starter is inevitably: “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” And every year we break out the classics: less caffeine, go to the gym, eat better. And every year, after a month or a week or a day, we break those same old resolutions. So instead of going into every year feeling fresh, we all feel like failures for not keeping our resolutions. And that is because the system itself is flawed. Instead of inventing some impossibly perfect and lofty goal, we should be thinking in terms of reality. Rather than imagining how your life would be if you had perfect self-control and perfect willpower, imagine how you can best make a small change in your everyday life to get closer to your own ideal self. Here are 4 classic resolutions, and how you can make them manageable to give yourself a successful, positive start to 2017.

1. Lose Weight/Eat Healthy

The original resolution. This is what everyone who is unhappy with their body (which, according to studies compiled by happify.com is 89% of American women) wishes for their new year. But instead of setting some insane goal of cutting out all red meat, empty carbs and sugar, and then dreaming of losing 5 pounds a week, try working on your decision making. When you’re in the grocery store, grab whole wheat bread over white bread. Throw some veggies in your cart, so you’ll feel guilty if you waste them by letting them rot. Make healthy foods available to yourself, and set small goals like eating a fruit or vegetable with every meal. Take little steps towards eating healthy and thinking healthy every chance you get.

2. Go To The Gym

Another ancient classic, we have all been sitting on the couch with one hand in the bag of potato chips and seen an ad for the local gym come on. And so, each turn of the year we resolve to go to the gym two, three, four times a week. That is impossible. To go from either never or rarely exercising to doing a regular routine overnight is simply not within the realm of possibility. Because the real challenge is not at the gym. The real challenge is motivation. So instead of creating a situation that causes you misery for being a “failure,” work on finding creative exercise options that you enjoy, and try to incorporate physical activity into your routine. Take the stairs when you can, walk to work, do a few pushups every time you think of it. Change your mentality and your physicality will follow.

3. Drink Less Caffeine/Alcohol

Also in the interest of making ourselves healthier, many of us endeavor to lower our intake of caffeine and alcohol. While both are fine in moderation, it is easy to scale up your consumption until it becomes unhealthy. But don’t just try to quit cold turkey or change your habit completely in a day. Rather, try to slowly limit your use. Wean yourself off. Stop yourself after your second cup of coffee. Or drink some coffee then drink tea later in the day. Alter your habits in easy ways until the new way becomes habit.

4. Organize/Clean

We all wish that our houses and apartments looked like the magazines. We wishfully buy fancy organization tools and storage units and weekly planners, knowing full well that by the end of the week they will just be sitting on top of the rest of the chaos. Most magazines and articles will tell you: dream big, you can do it! Just buckle down and get started, it will get easier! I am here to tell you: think small, asking too much of yourself is unreasonable. It won’t get easier, because organization may not comply with your personality or way of life. Instead of constantly cleaning and dreaming of a perfect home, I am telling you to work on your method. Just make a place for everything. This way, when you come home exhausted at the end of the day you can kick your shoes off and put them where they go, pile up your jewelry and shove it in your jewelry box, toss your jacket on the hook and then flop down and relax. Put everything in a place where it makes sense. Make a home for your shoes and coat right by the door when you come in. Make a home for your jewelry wherever you usually take it off before bed. If you organize logically, you won’t need to organize excessively.

New Year’s can be a great time for renewal and self-reflection. Just don’t fall into the annual trap of negative thinking and self-hate, because you can’t complete the monstrous list of things the internet and social media tells you to do. There is no magic recipe for getting your life in order. Losing ten pounds in two weeks doesn’t work, because even if you do that it will just come back on. The only way to make lasting change is to do it so gradually that you don’t notice, until you wake up one day, shocked, to realize that you’ve changed your life.

Happy New Year. Cheers to baby steps.