It was 2:45 am on Tuesday and I was half asleep when my best friend Carl called me to tell me that he read my latest published article about my grandmother’s condition. He knew what was going on, but he did not know how I was feeling at the time about the situation. I have not had the chance to expressed to anyone of my thoughts and feelings because I was still reflecting. But because of my article he expressed how my article made him think about his own grandmother and her passing. His words and thoughts in a poem form was very moving and I had to share the poem.
They say to cherish every moment
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Meanwhile I did the exact opposite
Weeks have passed
As she laid in bed sick
But not once did I see her.
Scared to lay eyes on her in her condition
Lying down, still, useless, and suffering
Unable to do anything
Except to look, which was hard
As she could barely open her eyes
Now, bombarded with regrets
Asking myself question like
Did I cherish her to the fullest extent?
Could I have spent more time with her?
Why didn’t I tell her I love her more often?
I found myself wondering
Could I have made a difference
By showing up even once,
Would the result or outcome be any different?
After going through a circle of questions and
Wonders
Memories starts to flood
The good ones
And the bad ones
Then coming to a realization
That the bad were also good ones.
As I dwell in the past memories
Rovers are running fast
And steady down my cheeks
A one specific memory struck
Remembering the last time, I saw her,
Suddenly she grabbed me and held me,
As our hands intertwine tightly
She looked me straight in the eyes
For a solid moment
Then drew me closer to her
And gave me a couple of kisses
Followed by her sweet tender words
‘I love you’
It was as if she known
As Carl read the poem to me, all of a sudden I had the urgency to call my grandmother. I did not want to feel nor think that after her passing that I did not have as much time with her while she was still alive. This process is not an easy one to take in and nor will it be easier when she is gone. However, I want to feel that my last few years, months, days, and hours with her is special. I want cherish those moments with her and spend as much time with her while she is not feeling like herself. As time goes on from now, I will continue to call her every day and ask “how are you feeling today”. I will continue to support, love, and put a smile on her face.
To be continued….
