Being a woman in my early 20s, I've often caught myself having absolutely no idea how to be an adult and feeling alone in the things that I struggle with. However, I've slowly realized that through the journey of young adulthood, I am continuously learning new lessons and reaffirming those things about the world and myself. So much so, that I know I must begin to keep the things I've gained handy in my heart in order to be able to remind myself during every point of my life that these following things stand true as 20 something-year-old woman trying to find her way in the world:
1. This is the time to be self-fish and not feel bad about it.
No, I don't mean it's okay to be self-fish at another's expense. What I mean is that it's more than okay to pamper yourself every once in a while. It's okay to buy yourself flowers and spend a day watching your favorite show. It's okay to spend hours of your free time sipping coffee and reading poetry books. It's okay to write your heart out on a piece of paper.
Just make time for yourself outside of your time with others.
2. Be patient with yourself and your goals.
It's so easy to convince yourself that you are not capable or worthy of what you want your next step to be. As humans, especially as women, we tend to allow our self-esteem and therefore our expectations for ourselves to be lowered when we don't accomplish our goals on our exact timeline.
For me, I'm right at the edge of not knowing what my plans are going to be in the next year or two because my future is in this unknown warp between what I'll be doing after graduation and where/when I'll start grad school. I'm uncomfortable with the uncertainty, but I find content in the knowledge that I know where I want to end up.
3. Your relationship status doesn't have to fit into the timeline with everyone else's.
It can be lonely at times. Feeling like one of the only single people in the sea of university students where it seems like everybody has somebody at this stage in life.
Trust me, I get it. But there will most likely be a time when something will change for you and you'll realize that being single may be the best thing for you right now because when the right person comes along, you'll know.
For now, focusing on your long term goals and the people that are already in your life will nurture your self-respect and self-love, which is probably exactly what you need right now.
4. The hurdles you had to overcome in the past don't determine who you are or where you'll go.
Yeah, we all have those places we don't like go back to, to remember where we've been and what they made us feel. But those places helped mold you into the person you've become, and they contributed to the opportunities you've been given today.
If it weren't for your lowest of lows, you wouldn't appreciate or value how far you've come. You wouldn't be able to see or believe in the possibility that you can go so much further.
5. Going to places and doing things by yourself doesn't have to be weird. It can actually be very self-empowering and allow you to grow.
It's not typical, I know. We worry about whether or not people will wonder why we're alone studying at the library or the coffee shop, or walking our dog by ourselves, etc.
Well, the facts are that we won't always be able to have someone with us at every moment, although it's very much preferred by most of us. And giving ourselves that little push to get out of our comfort zone will really allow us to find solace in spending time with ourselves but also appreciate the time we spend with our loved ones more.
6. You will be pressured to change who you are, and it's easy to give into. But it's never too late to turn it around.
Young adulthood is the time to try new things and meet new people. It's the time to use your networks and make yourself available to get out of your normal amenities and cast out into the unfamiliar.
But sometimes the unfamiliar can become much too routine, and we can lose ourselves. Identifying and finding those people and activities that ground us can bring us back to maintaining a balance between our roots and recognizing what needs to be watered and nurtured along the way.
7. You can only give so much before you'll be able to perceive that there must be a stream of equal exchange in relationships. You've got to take care of yourself too.
This one's a hard one to grasp because everyone has a different place where their line is drawn. And usually, it's either one extreme or the other. Never letting people in or being way too accessible.
I'll admit, I've been at both. But usually, I fall more towards the end where I'm pretty careful about letting people in. Lately though, I've been learning that there is strength in allowing vulnerability to mold you.
8. Put yourself out there. Be smart but be adventurous. You'll have a lot more fun and gain valuable lessons along the way.
Apply to that job that you don't know if you'll land or not. Ask him to get coffee if you like him. Go out dressed up as three blind mice and dance the night away. Think about what you'll write next. Plan your graduation trip to Germany. Go to church by yourself and see where you end up.
There's absolutely nothing you can lose and everything left to gain. You'll be surprised.
9. Take advantage of having your friends near you when you're in the same proximity. You never know when or how things are going to change.
Life has a way of throwing us curve-balls when we least expect. And sometimes, that means that our circumstances will change dramatically or even subtlety, almost-unnoticeable.
When you have the people you love near you, show them. Tell them and be there.
10. Love your family when you're far apart, but especially when you're near to one another. These times are precious because they're few and far between.
We don't understand this until we're all in different parts of the state or country. Treasure those phone calls when you're laughing over dumb stories or asking for life advice.
Hearing one another's voices and holding one another's hands through life is a gift.
