I’ve done it, you’ve done it, we’ve all talked badly about someone in our lives. Yes, we all know it’s wrong, but when we are fired up from our emotions in the moment, it's easy to let our mouths run. We don’t think about why we do it or what we are saying, but the negative words we choose have more influence than we realize.
Bad-mouthing others gives us a false sense of empowerment, and this can be addicting. Maybe you've been in a situation where someone angered you, and you felt compelled to let everyone know how awful that person was. Or it’s possible you are in a group setting, and you think you must add to the conversation about how annoying someone is. Another example might be when a friend is confiding their frustration in a relationship with you, and you bad-mouth the person to validate your friend. In the end, the truth of the matter is that bad-mouthing probably hurts you even more than it hurts the person you are talking about.
We feel the urge to express our negative opinions about others for many reasons. I think the most common one is insecurity. Like, how easy is it to hide how uncomfortable we are with our own flaws and instead dwell on someone else’s? Pretty damn easy. It becomes even easier when everyone else is doing it, too. When we are with people we respect and care about, we feel our ideas should be similar to theirs. A person might feel intimidated by someone and make themselves feel better by belittling them; they may even bring in the idea that you should feel threatened by the person, too, causing you to join in on the bad-mouthing. Sometimes, it makes us feel better to put down other people’s worth. We derive a false sense of confidence from it. Bad-mouthing is the act of finding negativity in others to build security in yourself, and there is absolutely nothing healthy about this.
Bad-mouthing is toxic and contagious; we start to believe that the things we say are fact when it is probably just circumstance. Think about it. We never know if the choices we make now will work out for us, and we are all just doing our best in this moment. So who is anyone to judge that someone else is making the right or wrong choices for their lifestyle? We are so good at finding what is wrong with others, but we rarely look at ourselves and confront our own issues. Maybe we should start looking for the real reason we are talking about someone negatively. The chances are that it's because the person disappointed you. If this is the case, the best thing to do is talk to them directly instead of holding onto and spreading your resentment. If you are bad-mouthing because it makes you feel superior, it’s time to seriously consider how you feel about yourself.
We all have moments when we need to vent; sometimes we just need to voice how we feel. However, the problem arises when we don't relay those thoughts to the people who are hurting us or we say things we don't mean. Be mindful of the words you choose to say about others, as well as where these ideas are coming from within you. A positive, constructive comment goes so much further than a negative one. Words are powerful, and we can all make an effort to use ones that build each other up instead of breaking us down.
