The summer of 2014 was one for the books. I was a part (a very small part in that matter) of a state cup team, and we won. Since we won, we had the privilege of going to Ohio for the regional tournament. This was an exciting moment for me, because my life is just one long version of the song “Mad World” by Gary Jules. Anyways, the trip to Ohio is a real doozie – about 10 hours or so. This is where my story actually begins. Everything before this is something “real” authors call an exposition. If you were in my regular English class in 10th grade with all of the other sh*t-sippers, then you would understand what I am talking about.
So, as I was traveling with my ex-roommate/former teammate and his family, I had to find ways to pass the time. I went from napping, which would numb one side of my bony ass each time I shifted my weight, to listening to my Spotify playlist very appropriately named “Boner Jams ‘03” (watch “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” then you will understand. I don’t have time in my pathetic life to explain all of these references to you). After I switched between these two activities countless times, I pondered out the window like they do in late '90s/early 2000s R&B music videos. As I gazed into the vast distance of what we normal folk like to call “Missouri”, I couldn’t help myself think of how sh**y the drivers were in that state. What do you expect from a state known for its meth labs? Anyways, I had to do what any jackass would do, so I flipped off cars. Yes, as a 19-year-old adult, I was flipping off passing cars. This whole paragraph is what I personally like to call a “rising action” (When you see all of these quotes, just think of Mini-Me in the Austin Powers franchise doing air quotes).
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So, here is where it gets juicy. I did what any immature adult would do: I added photos of myself doing this to an app that I can’t say because of copyright issues, but let’s just call it Instagram (follow me @Slivmeister on Instagram and Twitter. I posted these photos of myself flipping things off every hour on the hour. I basically had a mini lapse of OCD, just like when my mom has company over and develops OCD while cleaning, aka a Cleaning-Nazi (don’t be offended, it’s not too soon, it just got OK to joke about). So basically I became a bigger a**hole in those 10 hours than my previous 19 years of existence (more “rising action”, so don’t get up and go to the bathroom now, unless you are already in the bathroom, then stay sitting).
Now let’s fast-forward to this summer, the summer of 2016. A friend of mine got the opportunity to partake in a REU (research experience for undergraduates) in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He took a visit to the Andy Warhol museum one fine, muggy Pittsburgh morning, and he sent me a photograph through another app, let’s call it Snapchat. Anyways, the photo he sent me was of an exhibit of a guy flipping off numerous monuments around the globe. This is called the climax (not that kind of climax, you sick freak).
Anyways, I researched this jabroni, and found out his name is Ai Weiwei. His series called “Study of Perspective” has him flipping off numerous “important” monuments. He did this to show personal rebellion against any government authority. I personally think that he was just as much of an assh**e as me, and did it just because. Anyways, I think this dude ripped me off and my newly created art style/movement called “Abstract Contortionism”/ "Ecdysiast".
If I would have known that I could make money off of doing what I do best, then I would have dropped out of high school and would have traveled the world letting my middle finger hang loose and show itself to the world. So here is the “falling action”/“resolution”. I found this art series, enjoyed it for a second, found out I got ripped off and now hate myself more than Rosie O’Donnell does. Basically what I am trying to say is that I am a modern day Van Gogh, but with both of my ears, and more sane.
