My eyes hurt and my heart aches.
No matter what I do, I am somehow always restless and always awake.
I do not know what to do anymore to stop my emotions that rage. How do I know what pain feels like for someone my age?
Fifteen to eighteen so blind and so confused. Somehow, His hidden company was always my muse.
Sometimes I feel as though I am being dramatic, and then I become ashamed. I think to myself, if I only had another shot, I wish I had another quarter left in this game.
Take this experience and use it to learn and grow they say...but how can I learn and grow from something that makes me feel pain in my heart almost everyday?
Sometimes change is great, but this kind of change is the type of change that society wants me to inevitably hate.
I do not hate this change anymore, I truly believe it was for the best. Now that it is over, I have a few things that I want to confess...
Fifteen to eighteen was when I truly felt as though I had lost all connection with my one and only divine. I now know that He bought me this heart-breaking change to simply get me back in line.
Getting back in line was not an easy task. Every single day I would constantly look to they sky and ask:
"What can I do for you to allow me to bring back my happiness of the past?"
I honestly thought that He was ignoring me, but I kept hearing a voice that told me "this too shall pass."
The feelings of confusion, sadness and pain have almost all passed away from my heart. I finally feel content with where I am in life, and I thank God everyday for what feels like a fresh start.
For the longest time I never understood why God was doing the things that He did.
However, now I understand. God took something away from me, because He never wants our connection and relationship to grow less or end.
God had a greater plan for me, even with a hard to swallow pill. Nonetheless, now I will always remember that John 13:7 states:
Jesus replied, "You do not know what I am doing now but someday you will."
