“That's the thing with dementia. If you're with somebody who has a serious illness, you can usually talk to them, have a laugh every now and then -- the person is still with you. With dementia, there's no conversation; there's no togetherness, no sharing.” -- Judy Parfitt

Like Alzheimer’s, dementia is a memory disorder. Dementia is a slow decline of mental stability that is severe enough to interfere with daily life. A lot of people are familiar with Alzheimer’s, but know very little of how serious dementia is.

During its stages people may experience memory loss, mental decline, forgetfulness, aggression, irritability, personality changes, wander and get lost, anger, mood swings, anxiety, loneliness, unsteady walking, muscle decline, depression, paranoia, difficulty sleeping, tremors and falling.

There are seven stages of dementia. The first is no impairment. This is a time of no obvious signs and people are generally still able to functions independently and live a normal life. The second stage is very mild. In this stage signs of dementia aren’t really noticeable and begin with simple forgetfulness that you would usually see in old aging. The third stage is mild. During this time people are usually able to still perform daily activities, but have memory loss, trouble losing things, confusion while driving, loss of concentration and trouble managing medications. The fourth stage is moderate.At this point you begin to see social withdrawal and people begin to have trouble performing their daily routines. They have an increase in memory loss and forgetfulness, become incontinent, and have trouble doing mental exercises or putting the right words and phrases together. The fifth stage is moderately severe.During this time, people will begin to need assistance with their daily life routines. They begin to have the inability to remember simple things such as their phone number or address. They are often confused with their location and what’s going on around them. The sixth stage is severe. At this point, people need care takers quite often to help them with all daily activities. People need help getting dressed and taking care of personal hygiene. They wander and can become lost if not under good supervision. They begin to have changes in personality and behavior and have trouble sleeping. It becomes difficult for them to remember names, but they can recognize familiar faces. The seventh stage is very severe. This is the last stage of dementia. This is when the condition of people start to severely come into effect. They experience loss of surroundings, awareness and language. They lose muscle control and need help eating, walking and controlling their body.

If you’re thinking, “Man that sounds horrible,” then you’re right. It is horrible, but what’s even worse is when you have to sit and watch a loved one go through these horrible stages. If dementia runs in your family then it’s very likely someone close to you has gone through this awful experience. For me, it was my pawpaw. To begin I’d like to start out with my pawpaw’s life before dementia. My pawpaw was a little Cajun, born and raised, child. He grew up in the swamps and marshes of Louisiana.

Like many young men of his time, he had a passion to serve our country. He was enlisted into the Vietnam War. He lost many of his fellow soldiers in the battles of this war. Some of the training they went through involved being underground for very large periods of time which lead to the suicides of some of his good friends. There’s things about the war that we will never even begin to know or understand but my pawpaw did because he lived through it. Once he got out of the military, he became a merchant marine captain. He was highly intelligent and loved being on the water so this job fit him very well.

During his time off he was still always on the water. He was a member of the Lake Arthur hunting club and loved fishing and duck hunting. That was his way of life. He also loved to hunt alligator. Fear was never that big of an obstacle for him. As he got older and went into retirement, that didn’t keep him out of the marsh. He fished and hunt until he physically couldn’t anymore.

That’s when signs of his disease began to appear. My mom received a call from his VA doctor to meet with him about my pawpaw’s condition. That’s when he told her that my pawpaw did indeed have dementia. To make matters worse it was a violent dementia and his behavior would only worsen. The brain cell count in his head was very low and the doctor was sure my pawpaw would not live much longer. Soon after, the signs began to show. He was having trouble remembering things. There were times where I would visit him and he’d want to hear all about how my life was going and how college was. During this time, he would repeat some of the questions over and over. Knowing his condition, all I could do was sit there and answer just as confident and happy as the first couple times he asked.

When someone you love has dementia, it effects everyone in his life. Try watching someone you love slowly lose their memory and lose the little things about them that made them the person you loved. It’s one of the hardest things my family has ever had to go through. As his condition gradually got worse, he began having many hospital visits because his body was beginning to shut down on him. There was one night where my mom was with him at the hospital and he was very sick. My pawpaw knew it was bad. He could tell his mind was beginning to go away and he didn’t want it to. He wanted to stay and take care of my granny. She has trouble moving around and getting things done on her own because her legs just aren’t strong like they use to be so he knew that she would have trouble being on her own. That night my mom held my pawpaw and they cried because the end seemed so close. As he laid there my pawpaw gave his life to Jesus. After that night he got better and lived to see another year go by. The doctors couldn’t even understand how he was able to survive. He will to live was so strong an inspiring.

The doctor and hospital visits continued and grew more and more regular. To make matters worse he was experiencing mental instability which was having huge effect on his personality and behavior. He was becoming violent. My mom received many phone calls from the sheriff’s department about incidents they were having with my pawpaw. He was becoming very agitated with people and couldn’t help his temper. This was very hard for my family because people were beginning to see him as trouble. They couldn’t see that he was sick and that he was the same guy he had been all those years. That’s a common problem with dementia. Those on the outside don’t understand it. They just see who it makes people become. People forget the good things and start holding onto the bad. Unfortunately this is what happened to my pawpaw. It wasn’t his fault, but his condition was driving friends and family away from him. It finally came down to the point where we had to take his guns out of the house in fear of him hurting someone or himself. This wasn’t the easiest thing. You can’t just take all the guns from a guy like my pawpaw. He grew up hunting so it was hard to see that part of him leave. My mom and granny went through a lot of anxiety during this time. He was also beginning to wander the streets in the day and night time. Luckily for us he always made it home OK. Around this time it was the summer after my freshman year of college. I and my sister were very busy but we were able to go see our grandparents here and there. A few weeks before my sophomore year of college my pawpaw spent a lot of time in the Lake Charles Memorial Hospital.

I was able to go visit him a few times and as much as I hate hospitals I have to say it was a wonderful experience. I would talk to him about my summer, school and everything else going on. I could tell how much he enjoyed me being there with him. Since the day we were born my pawpaw has also been one of our biggest fans and took so much pride in us. A few weeks later, it was the week before school. My sister and I knew this meant we were about to have zero free time so we decided it would be a good time to go visit our granny and pawpaw one last time for the summer. It just so happened they needed us to go grocery shopping for them so it was kind of perfect timing. Early that morning we drove and met them in Jennings at the doctor’s office. As soon as I saw my pawpaw I could tell something was different about him. He was having a real hard time moving. I had never seen him walk so slowly. We hugged them and they told us that my pawpaw’s appointment went very well and the doctor said he was doing fine. Next we loaded up and headed down south to Lake Arthur. Once we went grocery shopped for them, we spent the rest of the time watching TV and catching them up with what the rest of our summer had consisted of. My pawpaw and granny both loved to sit outside and watch everything going on so while we continued to talk to my granny, my pawpaw went outside. As our time there began to run out, we said our goodbyes to our granny and went to tell our pawpaw bye. He was sitting in the back and at this moment I thought to myself how peaceful he looked. When he saw us we told him we were about to leave and grabbed his hand to say bye. Before he let us leave he said these words to us, "You know we really appreciate y'all doing stuff like this for us. Granny and I are just getting old and can't do it all anymore." It was heart warming to hear that come from him. We told him it was no problem for us at all and that we would be back as soon as we could to see him. As we drove back to Lake Charles I had this strange feeling in me. I get this feeling when there is something really wrong and these feeling usually do mean something. I kept thinking what if that was the last time I get to see my pawpaw. Then I thought about his appointment and how the doctors said he was fine so I just shrugged the feeling off. We carried out our day and everything in the world seemed fine. Then about 2 a.m. that night, I received a wake up call that nobody ever wants to have. My pawpaw had passed away. At first I was just in shock. I didn't believe it. There was no way this could be happening. He seemed fine less than 20 hours ago. Then I realized I wasn't having a nightmare and it was my reality. My pawpaw's battle was over and he was now in Heaven in the presence of our great Lord. It was the first time I had ever lost a close family member and it was one of the hardest things me and my family has ever had to go through.

At his funeral, my pawpaw received military funeral honors. The honor guard started by doing a prayer and a salute to their fallen brother. Once we arrived at the cemetery the honor guard did three volley rifle salute which was followed by one of the men playing "Taps." They then folded the flag and collected the empty rifle shells. Next, one of the honor men asked for acceptance as he presented my granny with the flag and told her that her husband was an honorable man that fought for his country.The ceremony was perfect and everything we could have asked for. At this moment my pawpaw wasn't the crazy old sick man. He was honored for his bravery and will forever be remembered as an honorable soldier.

This whole experience was an eye opener for me. Dementia is a violent mental disease that needs more awareness. The last years of my pawpaw's life were spent fighting this disease and trying to keep control of who he really was. People who did not know about dementia thought he was just a crazy old man. They didn't know the real story. They didn't see the battle my family went through each day of my pawpaw's illness. Hopefully this article will help spread a little awareness and help future families who are going through the same thing. You don't push away people who have this illness. You love them and remember all the good things that came before Dementia.

In memory of Floyd Joseph Bertand