Religion is a touchy subject that tends to step on a lot of toes depending on what is---or what isn't---said. Having religious doubts is no better, but everyone falters at some point. It's a part of life and a part of deciding who you want to be- who you're destined to be. Everyone believes in something (even if you believe in nothing), but it takes questioning to find out just what that something is.

Growing up going to church as a child, and then proceeding to go to a Christian-based private school for five years, you would expect someone strongly rooted within her faith...well, not really. I mean, yeah, it's helped, but it also raised a lot of questions as I've gotten older. Sure I say grace before eating and say a nightly prayer before bed and say a quick message to the man upstairs when I'm about to head off into something that could get pretty gnarly...but really, sometimes I can't help but wonder, does it even matter? Does He ever really hear me?

With all the hate and chaos in the world and bad things that happen to myself as well as others I know, it begs to ask the question where God is in all that? Or, in regards to other religions, where the higher being is? Would He really allow all these terrible things to happen? I mean, I understand there's a point to be proven...but still, so many innocents shouldn't have to die. So many people shouldn't have to hurt. So many souls shouldn't be crushed, so many spirits broken. So many lives shouldn't be in shambles, so much heartbreak.

Just to clarify, I'm not knocking religion at all. I mean, surely a higher being of some sort created all these complexities we see on a day-to-day basis; plants and animals and humans with their complex bodies containing millions of cells, clouds, the sky, precious metals and minerals, mountains, seas, etc... It didn't just happen, like some believe. But no one really knows for sure...and that's the tricky part. This is where faith comes in; but sometimes it's really hard to believe in something one cannot physically see for himself/herself. ...and that's when doubt comes into play. But doubting is okay, it's a part of growing in your faith or finding what your beliefs actually lie in. Despite that, doubt is indeed a growing factor of the soul.

Hey God, it's me again. I can't help but think that sometimes you don't even notice me. I pray and pray over the same things and people each day and it doesn't seem like anything gets resolved or at least better. Sometimes I think that I'm just another blip on the map, I guess I'm invisible to even you. I pray every day for everything to be okay...but when will it? I don't mean to be impatient, but I've been waiting for quite some time. Some days are better than others, but not everything is okay. I just wish You'd give me a sign or something, because I don't want to doubt...but sometimes, I can't help but to.