Some people are suited for a life full of laughter from Netflix. But, as long as you're laughing who cares who it's with!

1. No one wants to be loved.

All that mushy gushy "I love you more" business is just so gross. Who needs love when there's a sperm bank in every major city?

2. No one wants to be cuddled.

Cuddling is the worst thing ever. Your partner's body gets hot, which leads to you becoming hot. Then there's all these blankets, and his arm is digging into your hip, but you don't want to move because you know he's comfortable. It's just a bad idea. Never do it.

3. No one wants to have a Netflix date.

Because no one even likes Netflix anymore. I'm all about that Hulu Plus and Amazon Prime. And I doubt any man out there would be willing to watch my shows, I just don't have room for that kind of negativity in my life.

4. No one wants to put in the effort a relationship requires.

You have to want to put effort in the relationship, and I ain't about that life.

5. No one ever wants to have a date to lame events.

Like I just went by myself to the Wiz concert last month. Totes NBD.

6. No one wants to have to take care of another grown adult.

Like when he remembers I have an assignment due on Tuesday that I totally forgot about, that's the worst. Don't act like you know me.

7. No one wants to share the radio in the car.

Just because you're driving does not mean you get to pick the station. I get to be in control of the song I die to, and it's not about to be ACDC.