I love perspective. Everyone thinks differently, everyone looks at the world differently, and while looking at something from somebody else’s point of view is basically impossible, trying to do so is fascinating. That’s why reading is amazing, because it literally puts you either in a fictional character’s perspective, or you get a glimpse of the author’s perspective on life.
Then there are the clichés that come with this idea. “Don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes,” and “There’s two sides to every story.” I personally like the second one.
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There are two sides to every story, and the first step in understanding is recognizing what the two sides are. While there are many ways to look at and observe relationships, one that is both intriguing and personally important to me is how relationship look from the inside and outside.
In this case, the two sides of the story would be the couple’s perspective and the perspective of the people in their lives looking in. Which is more important?
Okay, maybe that isn’t a fair question, I admit. Perspectives are all important as they give us different pieces of information because the world is just different from that point of view. So the way in which a couple looks at their relationship and the way that everyone else looks at their relationship are both important.
But you know, I can’t help but think that looking at it from the inside is more important.
Yet this can be a hard thing to say, because what about the people in abusive relationships who think that everything is okay? Maybe in that case, the perspective of their friends who thought something was wrong held more value. Then again, it also happens where the people in the relationship aren’t happy, for whatever reasons, yet everything appears fine on the outside. So the preference on which is more important is probably just that: a preference based on your personality and based on how well you trust your own judgment.
I guess the inside is more important for me because I do tend to be more of a shy person. Generally speaking, the closer something is to my heart the less likely I am to share that with other people, because talking about what is most important to you can be hard. Or I guess I should say it can be emotional, which is hard.
So when I look at my relationship with my boyfriend I am looking at the conversations we have had, both about our relationship and about trivial stuff; I am looking at my feelings and the feelings I have seen come from him; I am looking at the way we treat each other, both the intentional and unintentional.
Yet when I don’t like to talk about some of these parts of my relationship with anyone else, how can I expect them to see it the same way? If I don’t at least try to tip my hand and give them a glimpse at how it looks from the inside, how are they supposed to understand?
Now, this does not mean their perspective is wrong or can be tossed aside because as long as it is coming from an honest place, the perspective form the outside is still seeing something that can’t be seen from the inside.
I guess this is why I will never believe anyone is good enough for my best friend (sorry Romeo). No matter what, from my vantage point my best friend deserves the perfect guy, and while he may look perfect to her, to me he is still a guy who might try to break her heart. So should she listen to me? No, probably not, because he just may actually be perfect for her—I just can’t see it.
Yes, there are two sides to every story. In relationships, there is the inside and the outside. No matter which side you are on or which perspective you value most, at least recognize that there are two perspectives, and while they may agree, disagree, or a little bit of both, neither is completely wrong. Though one could be completely right.
