You are the kind of love that is hard to shake. You make my life exhilarating, but at the same time, you’re toxic. With you, I live life on the edge and it gives me the butterflies.

I’ve loved you for a long time, and I still do. Unfortunately, I realized that I am unhappy. I'm unhappy with the person that I am when I’m with you, unhappy with the decisions that I make around you, and unable to stay consistent with my goals when I am near you.

Here’s the problem…I don’t trust you. You weren’t reliable. Even though I was temporarily happy, the feeling was quickly fleeting. The memory of you will never fade away, but for the sake of my sanity, I hope the pain of you does.

The whole time I was there for you through thick and thin and would drop anything to be by your side. There were so many times that I had wished and hoped that you would show up and do the same for me, but you never did. I left hints and clues for so long, hoping that you would catch on, and when you didn’t, even blunt honesty couldn’t do the trick. I supported you and believed in you, but that was only as strong as you let it.

In the end, you didn’t make things, you broke them.

My life shined brighter when you were around, but as time went by, I realized that I paid a heavy price for that. You’re fun, and your spontaneous nature hid a dark side and instability that I did not see coming.

Of course, I only saw how charming you were and how every girl sighed when you walked in the room. We are opposites — you put the bare minimum into projects where I go the whole way. I don’t understand how or why you “don’t care,” but I guess that’s the one thing about opposites; they may attract, but it will never fit as perfect as a puzzle.

Nothing could make up for your downfalls. Your Achilles Heel not only destroyed you, but it tore me down in the process as well. I tried to be whatever you needed, but I could not fix your shortcomings. No matter how hard I tried to fix you, I couldn’t because you didn’t care enough to change.

I can’t ask you to change who you are, and it wouldn’t be right for me to try so hard to change who you will always be. You introduced me to new things and parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. It was freeing and exhilarating. You saw the world in a way that I could not, which captured me completely. Your reckless nature turned me on; you never turned down a challenge which made you irresistible, yet dangerous.

Everybody needs to know where their boundaries are, and you did not then, and I imagine that you still don’t. You are one of those people that always crosses the line and sometimes sleeps over it. Somehow, you miraculously survive to tell the tale, but I wonder if that luck will continue. No one maintains that kind of luck forever.

I knew that I was not going to have that kind of luck in my life and it was only so long until I would fall trying. While living that life with you was a high, losing myself was not worth those moments. In the end, I realized that you were only chasing those highs to escape from your lows because you could not deal with the hand that you were dealt.

Our relationship was like a shooting star, it shone so brightly. I’ll never forget it and the emotions I felt for you. I’ll never have those feelings with anyone else, but it’s not worth the heartbreak and emotional damage to stay. It’s only in looking back now that I see how broken you were and how had I stayed, you would have dragged me down with you.

Sometimes I wonder what had happened to you in life, but I know that you’re a disease…extremely contagious. If I try to contact you, I would get dragged back in. I can’t risk getting dragged back in by making the same mistake again. My sanity is more important than checking up of you.

I have to learn to live with the unknown.