You love this person. You see the best parts of them, and you revel in them. You find joy in their presence, and the memories are endless. The last thing you ever wanted to do was let them go, but for some reason, you had to.
Maybe you weren't ready. Maybe they weren't. Maybe the timing was off or distance was too far. Maybe it was the little arguments that turned into bigger issues, or the inability to value each others' values. Maybe you loved them, but couldn't see a future with them. Maybe life took you both in completely different directions. Whatever the reason was, it simply didn't work out.
Recommended for you
Now you're stuck wanting the past, but knowing you'll need to move forward.
Here's some encouragement as you move into your new time of singleness, and letting go.
1. Letting go is the last thing you want to do, but it's the first thing that needs to happen.
Letting go changes the trajectory of everything. It sets your heart free and allows you to pursue your endeavors without a heavy burden constantly weighing down on you. Again it is the hardest part, but the most crucial.
I've come to learn that it's an action that actually happens every day, sometimes moment-to-moment. Some days will feel okay, other days will feel like the wound has reopened. Remember that it's a process.
How to let it go? I can't say there is a set formula, but every time you feel like you're wrapped up in the past, have a moment of self-talk. "What's gone is gone. I can't change what has happened. Right now, I can choose to do anything that makes me better, or helps me move forward."
2. You will gain beautiful, new perspectives.
Seeing yourself, another person, and your life outside of your relationship can ultimately change how you view everything.
A wonderful friend of mine once said,
"I hope you realize that your story doesn't end just because someone walked away from your chapter... it just means their part is over."
In fact. I'm going to go ahead and post exactly what she told me, because I return to it again and again for encouragement. (Ignore that her contact name is "sissybear" and that I have 83 unread messages...)
Words of wisdom.
Everything we go through in this life is an opportunity to make us better.
There's a quote that says, "Either you're a blessing or a lesson." The truth is, though, I believe that even lessons are incredible blessings. No one comes into our lives only to take. Depending on how we look at it, everyone we meet leaves something worth holding onto. Even if it ends with us being hurt. Pain makes us stronger, and there will always be something new to realize.
3. This is your time to DO YOU, without any distractions.
You won't have to plan out your life around another person other than yourself. As difficult as it is to lose the person you care for the most, you finally get a chance to truly practice SELF-CARE.
Do what you haven't been able to do because you were so busy or distracted in a relationship. Surround yourself with friends that you've neglected. If you're out of a relationship and feel that you don't have other friends, make that effort to find and cultivate new ones. Meet new people who challenge you and make you better.
Take the adventure you have always wanted to. Write that book. Paint that painting. Get that hot bod at the gym. Eat those 10 gallons of ice cream.
4. This is your chance to become a better version of yourself.
Take this time to see the areas in your last relationship where you needed improvement. What were your insecurities? Were you lacking self-love? Were you quick to anger or easily judgmental? Whatever it might have been, start using this time on your own to become a better you.
It's not just about "doing you" and doing all that you couldn't do in a relationship. It's also about seeing yourself objectively, without another person's opinion. You get to reexamine yourself from the inside out and really make changes that you may not have been able to if you remained in the relationship.
5. Remember who you are.
A pitfall that happens too often in relationships is that you end up defining yourself by the other person. You're someone's boyfriend/girlfriend. Now you're their ex. Or you were whatever pet name or word of affirmation they gave you.
You defined yourself as "beautiful" because they said you were; their "everything" because that's what they called you.
Out of the relationship, you sometimes feel a sense of loss because none of those exist without the other person.
So use this time to remember exactly who you are. You are your own person. Call yourself by name. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful even without another person's affirmation. You ARE worth it even if another person chose to move on rather than fight for you.
