It’s hard to remember that in today’s society we still need time to develop all of our relationships. When you see your friends post that they’re already planning a vacation with their significant other or moving in together, you may believe that your relationship is not moving along at the same pace.
Something that I’ve struggled to come to terms with recently is the concept of "relationship milestones". As someone who has always wanted to announce on Facebook that I had committed to a relationship (however superficial this might seem), I tended to see relationships as following linear pathways and as meeting a certain “relationship status.”
I always used to think to myself, “when will we be official enough for me to have an Instagram post with this person in it?” or “when it is socially acceptable to post a Snapchat with this person or tell others that we’re even officially a thing?”
I didn’t realize how much this mindset was affecting my relationship until recently. I didn’t realize how much I was letting these expectations interfere with actually getting to know myself and my significant other.
I finally realized that I didn’t have to measure the success of my relationship with my significant other by what “traditional” milestones we reached, or where others thought we were in our relationship. That a relationship isn't just about announcing to everyone that you are official, following a linear/traditional pathway, or reaching some #relationshipgoals.
The truth is, you and your partner are the ones who get to decide where you are in a relationship, and it doesn't just have to be based on what other people do or what your Facebook status says.
Lately, I’ve been re-affirming that relationships (as with all friendships) take time. That although I haven’t seen my relationship progress in ways that maybe are “traditional”, it doesn't mean it hasn't been progressing. In fact, I would say that it has progressed a lot in getting to know each other and learning to deal with our expectations, which has only made me learn so much more about myself and my partner.
There are so many ways that a relationship can progress - emotionally, physically, intellectually, and more. You can experience a lot of progression in some areas, while a little in others. You can move in with someone right away, and still spend a lifetime getting to know them. Or you could be very emotionally and physically intimate with someone, but not feel the need to spend every extra evening with them just yet.
And that is all totally OK.
It’s also OK to post something about them on Facebook or Instagram, just because you want to. If it feels important to share something in the moment, don't be afraid to share it either! Others can make guesses about your relationship, but what matters is what you think about it.
This is why time will always give us the opportunity to progress as individuals and with others; to learn about each other’s quirks, expectations, personalities, and more. Progress in relationships isn't always as obvious as how many Facebook posts you've been tagged in, or how many times you've been in each other's Snapchat stories in the past week. It’s about how much you’ve grown together and spent quality time learning about and experiencing each other’s company.
And oftentimes, we don’t know how much we’ve grown in our relationships until time passes and we are able to look back.
