Ever become so attached to a company that when they do you injustice, it feels like a rough patch in a long term committed relationship? After moving to D.C. to begin my career as an overworked, underslept, broke college student, I found that company. It’s the one I just cant get enough of. The one that makes me comfortable. The one that can brighten up a tough day. Well,
(drumroll please)
For me, that’s Uber. Uber and I have been in a relationship for about six months now and things have been going pretty smoothly until recently. Uber, my friend, my love, recently you have been doing me wrong.
Incident #1: The Overbearing Wanna-be Hip Driver.
It was a typical Sunday. I woke up went to work, dealt with the whiny seventh graders I attempt to teach, and excitedly made my way to Cava for my usual post-work treat. I called an Uber and put in my destination, eager to get back for my usual Sunday nap. My driver arrived, a woman, and I proceeded to open the door to the back when the problems began. She told me to come to the front, promising, “I wont bite!” so being polite I got in the front where she offered me cookies and candies. My mom taught me not to take candy from strangers, so I politely declined. Things only got worse as we passed by American University and my talkative friend explained to me her favorite pastime. Oddly enough, it's driving home drunk AU students in the middle of the night (enough said!!). Anyways, we get back and I’m preparing to get out when she stops me for a second and has me program in her personal phone number in case I’m ever in some “college kid trouble” and need a quick ride.
Incident #2: The Near Death Driver
I had just gone to a sorority crush party and was more than ready to get some sleep before waking up at 5 to hear Obama speak. I called an Uber, my driver arrived and I got inside and started to play on my phone (the millenial usual, I know). My driver didn’t really seem to know where she was going but I figured google maps is a thing and continued to stalk various friends of mine on Facebook. After an unusually long time had passed to get to my location, I look up and we are turning around at a dead end. I figured she had made a wrong turn, really easy to do in DC and I didn’t think much of it. Another ten or fifteen minutes pass by and I look out the window to check the status of how much longer I have unitl I get to go to bed. Lo and behold, I am in Virginia. Now the panic starts. Next thing I know we are passing wrong way signs as my driver goes down the wrong side of the road and tries to enter the freeway from a clearly marked exit. I leaned forward an offer a, “ma’am… you can’t drive down this side of the road” while I have essentially convinced myself I am on my death bed. In a last effort to die in this atrocious Uber experience I offer to maps the way back and after another anxious 15 minutes my room comes into sight. And you know the best part of this story…. I was texting my dad the whole time except of course when I returned. So around 2:30 in the morning I find out he’s called my university police to come see if I am still alive.
Incident #3: The Drag Show Driver
Yeah, so this one was just kinda creepy. Some friends forced me to a drag show at DC's most popular gay club for someone’s birthday. I went, it wasn’t my thing but not a bad night. Things were rockin' and rolling until, BAM!, pulled up on stage by one of the queens: last week's Uber driver dancing his heart out.
But Uber, never fear, our relationship is far from over. Even in the rough there is always a diamond, and for you, Uber, it's usually a nice car with leather seats with a driver who smells nice and exclusively drives to smooth jazz.
