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A Relapse If I Ever Heard One

Why I went back to Windows.

Feb 01, 2016

For reasons indicated in a previous article of mine, this past holiday season brought me an Android. A sleek Moto G, I couldn't have been more excited upon unwrapping my gift. No more cracked screens! No more FOMO! And so on. Unfortunately, I quickly realized that my G couldn't keep up with me.

It was slow AF.

Whether I was trying to press that button that brings the phone to consciousness or clicking on an app, my Android would too often stall or simply not respond. Such behavior is absolutely inexcusable in my personal assistant. Also, let's not forget the horrible battery that died halfway through the day despite inactivity.

The camera was low quality.

Let me preface with the fact that I'm not a professional photographer. That being addressed, I do still value the importance of documenting memories and partaking in strong Instagram culture. The camera on my Moto G appeared to be of low resolution and was thus insufficient.

Where did it go?

After giving the poor guy a chance for a few weeks, I ultimately relapsed: packed up the new phone, sent it back to Amazon and reinserted my SIM card into my cracked Windows phone. Though I put my fingers and left ear at risk of laceration and returned to a world reigned by Candy Crush due to a lack of other amenities, I ultimately am pleased with my return to Windows.

The reality is that changing platforms is hard. Android made no sense to me as I had to download keyboards and texting apps as opposed to just having them to begin with. The layout wasn't as concise and customizable as Windows'. To be frank, I didn't even use Snapchat because it scared me and I didn't understand the surrounding etiquette. I've been dealing with tiles and an Instagram app that doesn't have ads since 2011. If I'm going to change, I want to change for the better and nothing less.

So for now, I'm ordering a new (inexpensive!) Windows phone with undamaged glass and a Carl Zeiss camera. I don't need extra apps because the real world is more than enough to keep me stimulated and having eyes glued to the phone is rude. Though I can't get a Lyft if I'm in Manhattan, the truth is I'm rarely there and my current location is very Windows-friendly. I'll probably convert one day, but for now let's just keep in touch through my clear window. #teamWindows

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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A Relapse If I Ever Heard One

Why I went back to Windows.

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No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time

13. The first snow day

14. Madipalooza

15. When finals week rolls around

16. When you have to say goodbye

17. And when you finally get to go back

Do you have a small get-together or throw a big bash?

1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.

2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.

3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.

4. Your siblings wake you up.

5. Your friends are so excited to be with you on your big day.

6. If you work, your office might throw a party for you.

7. For your actual party, you plan a small get-together with close family and friends ...

8. ... or large celebration with everyone you know.

9. You eat the best meal you've had in weeks.

10. You devour the first piece of cake proudly.

11. You embarrass yourself somehow.

12. You get the present you really wanted but thought no one would get you.

13. You are a little sad about getting older.

14. That feeling wears off and you realize how happy you are to have family and friends to celebrate this day with you.

15. The morning after your birthday looks something like this.

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