2017 has been a year of many changes.
For many, it has been a year of engagements, weddings, graduations, first jobs, and new beginnings.
For others, it has been a year of loss, self-evaluation, the end of chapters, rehabilitation, and a chance to start over.
For myself, 2017 has been a year of growth and of change. While some of the resolutions that I had laid out for myself never came to fruition, other more pressing changes occurred. I have continued to grow and mold into the adult me that I have been chasing since graduation, a more reliable and stable version of the person I've been seeking to define my whole life.
This was the year that my relationship took several major steps: from sharing love and a home to becoming a part holidays and family celebrations, I've grown more in my understanding my partner than I thought I could. We are more open and honest with each other than even a year ago and we continue to grow together as we build a life.
This was the year I stopped smoking weed - for most of you have known me for years, being a stoner was a defining part of who I was. I was the girl who always had pot and was always down to leave the crowded party and head outside to light up a joint. Don't get me wrong, I like weed. I think it can do wonders for someone searching for answers, for gleaning a little clarity in a moment of chaos, and for a genuinely good time.
But for me, pot had become the crutch on which I rested all my problems. If I was having a stressful day or I was lonely or I was dealing with a bout of depression, pot no longer served as a catalyst to solve my problems, but rather a way to bury them. I had become an anxious mess of a person dependent on the very same substance that was igniting my anxiety - it had become a vicious cycle and the time had come to break out of it.
This was the year that I repaired a broken friendship. For years I had been holding onto a grudge that continued to poison me, one that had seemingly lost all reason or meaning. Its origin was long in the past and the relationships of the people on the edge had become tainted and strained.
Through the power of liquid courage and the haze of a late summer afternoon, I finally buried the burden that I had been carrying for so long. We both felt a wave of relief wash over us and the ease with which we fell back into our old ways was comforting and familiar.
For all the bad that happened this year, there was also a lot of good. There were loved ones who passed on and family ties made stronger; there was struggle marked by unwavering support; there were moments of unparalleled uncertainty shrouded in unparalleled love.
I am definitely a newer and better version of myself than I was 12 months ago and I can't wait to take on all that the new year has for me.
Cheers to 2018.
