Out of the many lessons I’ve learned in college, one of the most relevant is that silence is one of the hardest things to come by. Either you’re in class, on the quad, in the Student Center, in a meeting, or you’re in your room and at least seventy different things are going on, all at once. Usually when I get home from class and evening activities, at least one of my roommates is ready to talk about her day – about the test she aced, about this weird thing her professor did, or about the salsa that someone dropped outside by the Gardens stairs. And all of this is wonderful, but sometimes all I want is silence.
Silence is a true rarity in my life, which is why I jump at every opportunity to engage in it. Sometimes it’s a visit to the Chapel in the middle of the day. Sometimes it’s the silence of my apartment after everyone else has gone to bed. Or sometimes it’s AMDG: The Silent Retreat. AMDG is an entire weekend spent in silence, meant as an opportunity to explore your relationship with God. When I first heard about it, I was nervous. The idea of silence sounded wonderful, but I was also nervous about what would fill that silence. But I still took the plunge. And then again. And again.
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It’s in the silence that I feel closest to God. I have the room to breathe and to think and to pray. It’s in the silence that I can stop speaking to God and to listen to what He is saying. And even if I don’t like what I hear, it’s what I need to hear.
I’ve had quite a few spiritual rollercoaster rides in the silence. I vividly remember one Friday night spent in furious anger, scribbling in my journal. I wasn’t being particularly reverent or nice, but I think God can handle a little bit of anger. In fact, I think he encourages it. After all, you can’t get angry about something if you don’t care about it. God gave me that Friday of silent fuming, letting me decompress from the stress of the week, and then, in the silence, he spoke to me through scripture, reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.
“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121: 1-2
“Leave all your worries with him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
I’m a worrier. I worry about getting my schoolwork done. I worry about disappointing my professors. I worry about making my parents proud. I worry about life after Loyola. I worry about how my words and actions affect others. I worry about not spending enough time with my friends. I worry about the health of my grandparents. That’s just the person I am. My worries manifest in stress which causes me to worry.
But in the silence, I recognize that God can handle my worries and anything else I throw his way. I just have to let him. “Leave all your worries with him because he cares for you.” Surrendering my worries is much easier to do in silence than in the noise of everyday. There’s so much going on around me that it’s easy to forget how much God cares for me and how much he wants to help.
That’s why it’s so important to make your own silence. This could mean getting up earlier or staying up a little later. It could mean walking to class on your own. It could mean a quick trip to the Chapel between classes or sitting in any other peaceful spot on campus. It doesn’t have to be an entire weekend, but even one or two minutes of genuine silence can make a world of difference. Shut out as much as you can and just listen. Try to feel the peace surrounding you. The important thing is to embrace the silence, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you. God is always speaking to us, but it’s certainly easier to hear him when you’re listening.
