15 years ago, my mother and father decided to get divorced. Despite the tumultuous years we experienced, I think my brothers and I grew much more resilient to adversity and became very independent.
I realized that I have a lot of unanswered questions, so I thought it would be interesting to bring mom and dad together for an interview.
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They have what I like to call a "unique" relationship. They do not hate each other but they don't necessarily get along either. I liked having them reflect on the past and the present, and I appreciate them for letting me do this!
Divorce rates are skyrocketing. Especially among young couples. What do you think about this?
Dad: People need to have more preparation for marriage. Our faith is a very important commitment and a sacrament that should not be taken lightly. It's not just breaking up as boyfriend and girlfriend. You're married. You have to be committed as a spouse. It's all about preparation.
Mom: It is very sad. I think they should try to work it out because marriage is about service. To be happy with the person you choose to share your life with. Work it out, stay strong in your faith, and hold on to God
What do you think about the catholic church and how hard it is to finalize a divorce?
Dad: I think its good that your religion or faith does not make it simple. You have to analyze things and have the couple go to relationship counseling or maybe a retreat and try to get to the issue. I think its good that they make it hard and not easy because then what would be the point of getting married?
Mom: Divorce the civil way is with the state, while annulment by the church is another story. I believe that if you married someone who ended up being the opposite of what they seemed like, or if your marriage was strongly impacted by an outside force, that is a good reason to consider an annulment.
How expensive is a divorce?
Dad: Well there's monetary expense, emotional expense and other collateral damage. I think its more expensive in all those aspects when you have children.
Mom: Depends. If you do it on friendly terms it shouldn't cost that much. But we fought a lot and it ended up being like 100,000 to get divorced. I sold my house.
What would we used to do as a family when we went out?
Dad: Going to the park, going to the beach, camping, knott's berry farm, legoland. A Lot of outdoors stuff and school activities. I like that I got to go to a lot of you and your brothers fieldtrips. Put everyone in our van!
Mom: We did a lot of arts and crafts and we read books with you. You kids loved and still love to read. We rarely used electronics because we wanted you to play intellectual board games and be outside.
You're stuck on an island with each other. A rescue team comes but they can only rescue one person. The other is forced to stay on the island. Would you sacrifice yourself for the other person?
Dad: Yes, I would sacrifice myself for your mom.
Mom: I'll save myself to go with my kids.
What do you think of each others significant others?
Dad: If they were around you, I just like knowing them. I get curious sometimes about who your mom is dating.
Mom: As long as they are good to you I am fine.
Is there still a spark for eachother?
Dad: Uh-uh. No way
Mom: He wishes.
Funniest memory of when you were married?
Dad: Just getting together with the compadres was super fun.
Mom: I remember one time we went to Puerto Vallarta. Your dad wanted to climb this cascade of rocks and he kept falling down. Everybody would just climb it and dive into the water but he just kept slipping down every step he took. It took him like one hour but he finally made it!
What was the best party you threw for us at my childhood home?
Dad: Cristobal was turning 3 or 4. We got about 100 balloons and then let them all fly into the sky. Then Xavier had a birthday party that was reptile theme and we brought actual reptiles and a boa constrictor.
Mom: All of them were great but when you turned 3 we got you a pinata that was of a barbie that was twice taller than you. Your dad also rented a real barbie to come paint your face and all of your friends'.
Dad,there are speculations that my mom taught you proper Spanish is that true?
Dad: She probably did help for my Spanish. And i tried to help improve her English. but i think she helped me more than i helped her. She talks a bit like Sofia Vergara with her heavy accent.
Mom: This is absolutely true. He used to add the letter S to certain words and say things like: "fuistes", "quisistes". I taught him not to say that! And yes, he did help improve my English.
If you could turn back time, what would you change in aspects to the divorce?
Dad: Probably have been more patient and let things cool down. I think both of us ended up making really egocentric decisions regarding our marriage and not look at the whole long term picture.
Mom: I wouldn't change anything because I have three amazing kids. I worked it out as much as I could.
Do you ever miss spending time with each others families?
Dad: I just miss my father in law. He was super laid back. He would say women are all "leonas". Even you and your mom.
Mom: Yeah, I had really nice political cousins that I loved to spend time with.
Am I more like mom or dad?
Dad: I think you're analytical. You observe a lot like me but then you have your wild streaks from your mom.
Mom: Definitely like me. You are stubborn enough to achieve what you want, and you love to learn new things! You have a great heart and you are a go getter. You like to adventure in different things and are very punctual like me.
How do you feel that you've changed as a person while being divorced?
Dad: I thought more about the impact on you and your brothers. Trying to keep a sense of stability between your mom and I. I didn't expect to be divorced.
Mom: I learned I could do so many things without depending on somebody. I opened myself up to real life. I grew up. I was not a princess anymore because I was raised as a princess. I realized I had so many aspects of my life that I had not explored. I cut my hair short, dyed it, and got a tattoo. For the first time I felt free from being under the control of a man. No more holding back.
Thank you, parents for taking the time to answer these questions honestly. I love you both!
