Since I was little, I have been a romantic. Some call it idealistic. I had my first crush when I was in second grade. She was my best friend at the time, and, instead of playing on the playground equipment, we would walk around and talk during recess. She would tell me what she thought about people, and I would listen. I would tell jokes, and she would laugh. I really liked that feeling. I was just a little too early. It was my first moment of rejection, but it would definitely not be my last.

After third grade, I moved to a different state. I lived with my mom and grandparents, who moved a lot. Since then, I've moved schools every school year, and most times in the middle of the year. Therefore, I could only know my classmates for a short time period. The older I got, the harder it became to make friends because as other kids got older, they would develop close knit bonds with their friends that they knew from the beginning. Trying to break those bonds are harder to break than a hydrogen bond (for all you Chemistry people).

Because of these friendships and fast moments, it was difficult for me to be patient with developing feelings for a girl. I would always rush into my emotions and fall too quickly. I would never give the girl enough time to develop feelings for me if there was any potential. However, if I had waited, I would move away and lose connection with the girl.

Another issue was I did not really understand what a loving relationship really looked like. I could only know what it looked like from the outside because I saw movies and television shows. My parents never married and separated when I was three years old, so it was difficult to have a foundation. This is probably why I am such a romantic because I want to do better than my parents. I always try to achieve what I believe is perfection, but, the problem is, I will never be able to get perfection. If I set overly high expectations for my "future wife," I will make it difficult for any potential to reach. I need to learn to compromise slightly while being content. I know that God will do what God wants to do.

I have also realized that I should slow down. Now that I am in university, I have time to develop a relationship with someone. There is someone I admire, but I do not know what her feelings are for me. I am always tempted to ask, but I know I must be patient. I need to also recognize that a romantic relationship is not necessary to have fun with someone. I need to know that developing a friendship will strengthen a relationship. I also need to recognize the difficulty of balancing friendships and college work, let alone a relationship.

I know these things will come in time, and, when they do, they will be stronger than they would be now. I know that I need to be patient and have self control with my emotions. It is good to listen to the heart, but it is important to listen to the mind as well. I have wonderful friends! Ones who would drive all the way to Chicago to pick me up. Ones who would drop everything they are doing to help me. I also have a family who loves me and who would hold me accountable for my actions. Most importantly, I have the love of God, who guides me in wisdom and leads me in the right direction, even when I do not realize it.

Being a romantic, it is difficult for me to always recognize relationships besides the romantic ones. Therefore, I will make it a priority to recognize them more often. I always look for love, but I tend not to see the love I already have. To anyone I have hurt or offended because of this, please forgive me. To the girls that may have felt pressured because of me rushing, I am deeply sorry. I hope that, from now on, I will pay attention to the love that I already have. And, hey, I might find that something more will bloom! :)