College has been something else. I could not help but reflect on the past three years as I start my senior year. I have been strong then weak — torn down and rebuilt so many times. I feel altered, yet still the same. From exploring new interests to meeting new people, I lost track of time.
College was nothing like I expected it to be, although I did not expect much. When my mom and grandparents said their final goodbyes after moving me into the dorms freshman year, I knew my life was about to change. I never could have imagined in which way.
Young adulthood is an odd and novel time in life. It is a transitional period between childhood and adulthood, where one attempts to figure out what they want to do with their life. Some stay focused, complete college degrees and live on to begin fulfilling careers, while others wander off the path of what is expected of them and do their own thing. I am a blossoming mixture of both, to an extent. Once my time in college is up, I hope to begin a career I enjoy, but do things on my terms.
While many drop out of college after a year or two, those who stick it out still feel lost. It is a difficult and trying time for many, myself included. From learning to cook to finding a suitable apartment, there is a lot to learn about being an adult, on top of all that has to be learned in school. That is why some take time off, or never return.
I know more people that dropped out of school, or at least took time off, than those who completed a degree in four years. With college being as expensive as it is these days, many cannot afford to attend school when they do not know what to go to school for.
This is my last year of school ever, or at least for a while, which is why I need to make the most of it. I do not have any more excuses. For years, I shied away from putting myself out there, because I was figuring out who I was. The only thing stopping me all these years was myself.
Each year of college started slightly different for me. Freshmen and sophomore year I lived in the dorms and struggled to find my place there. Now, I live off campus in a single apartment. Distanced from campus, I still found it difficult to know where I belong in a small town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, seven hours away from my home in Chicago.
Senior year is beginning differently from the other years. I am actually excited about the classes I am taking, but not the load of work that comes with it. I will admit, it feels weird to attend school where most of my original friends moved away. But for once, I am not worried about it. Most years previously, I was too insecure to speak up in class or approach people. I am not letting that happen anymore. I have a voice that others need to hear.
With four classes and a bundle of extracurriculars, I will be busy this year. But it will be worth it, since my classes are mostly topics I am interested in and will help boost my career.
My late teens and early twenties have been a tangled mess of self-discovery, happiness and making new friends, but it was also a time of searching, confusion and disappointment. I have been let down countless times, and have let down others as well. I learned the valuable lesson of trusting too quickly and not thinking things through. I was focused on what was best for me in each moment, but I was not always right.
I learned that you should not show all your cards at once, but it is important to speak up at times when others need to hear your voice. If you want something, you have to go and get it. Luck does not fall into laps, and if it does, it won’t last. Hard work and determination gets you where you need to be in life in order to be happy. You have to overcome your biggest fears to move forward.
With one year left in school, I hope to keep what I learned in mind and leave making a difference to someone, or something. This time in my life has felt like a decade but it has only been a few years. Being young goes by quickly and letting go is the hardest part. In the battle between being a child and becoming an adult, the adult has to win in the end. But one should never lose sight of what being a child felt like.
As I tack on more knowledge in school, as well as expanding my brain to be a well-suited adult, past information starts to diminish. Certain memories become more prominent, as others fall into the abyss of lost long-term memories.
Right now, this time in my life feels substantial, like it is everything. In the grand scheme of things, I hope to look back on this time and laugh. I still have so much life ahead of me to figure things out.
