Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? And how the hell can I take it back? I'm sorry for whatever it was that I did to make you despise me so much. You created a monster, and yet I'm the one apologizing.
You used to be my best friend. A mirror was always in my handbag, and I was constantly checking to see how my hair and makeup looked, if my eyebrows were even, if my face looked thin enough. I was used to perfecting myself in you. One day, and I'm really not sure when it was… everything changed. You became toxic. You became aggressive and mean and abusive. You wrote on my skin. No. You carved into my skin. The words "ugly", "fat", "disgusting", "worthless" bled from my stomach and thighs.
You told me that my stomach was too jiggly, my thighs touched too much, my breasts weren't perky enough, my stretch marks were anything but beautiful, my shoulders were uneven, my complexion was flawed, the list goes on and on. You destroyed me. There are no simpler words to scream at you that "you ruined me."
If I could destroy you, I would. I really really would. But you are everywhere. No matter how many of you I destroyed, no matter how many years of bad luck I brought upon myself, you will always exist. Even if it's not in my vision, I know that no matter where I go, I can always find you. I can always go back to my abuser.
But then again… Aren't I the abuser? Both physically and mentally?
I created these visions for myself. You may have supplied the glass, but I am the one that carved the cruel words into my own skin. I am the one that created an enemy out of you, rather than a friend. I am the one who labeled my body as unworthy of anything but abuse. When in reality, my body has so much to offer to me, in health, energy, and love.
So as I look you in the eyes, know that I am sorry. I am sincerely sorry to the reflection staring back at me, for you didn't deserve any of this backlash. I am sorry to the mirror for making you out to be the bad guy.
My mind had been the bad guy all along.
To the reflection I never thought I could love, I'm sorry.
Love, the wide-eyed girl staring back at you.
