The first year of my college experience was absolute mass chaos. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I laughed, I cried, I loved, I lost, I did a lot of other things that one might do in a coming of age novel. It's been happy and exciting and sad and really ugly and really beautiful. So in honor of the full freshman experience, here are some pieces of advice I would give to past me if I could go back and do it over.
1. Leave nothing unsaid.
Treat every day like it's the last day you're going to see the people you love. You would tell them what was on your mind if you were pressed for time, so why not tell them now? Some of my biggest regrets have come from leaving things unspoken and realizing I should have been up front earlier. Communication, openness, and honesty make most relationships so much stronger. If they don't love you after you speak your truth, they didn't love you, to begin with, so spill it.
2. Some things are worth running for.Â
I have a friend who used to tell me, "I'll never run for buses or boys. Another one of each will come soon enough." Here's my thing: some people are worth running for. It's one thing to leave an obviously toxic relationship. It's another matter entirely to walk away from a relationship that "doesn't deserve you" simply because you weren't willing to work for it. Don't let pride ruin your life. If you mess up, if there's been a miscommunication, if you've had a fight and you believe that person is worth it, there's nothing wrong with running after them. Don't make the mistake of letting them walk so far away that you lose them for good. (As for buses, class attendance policy is a real thing. Do what you gotta do to get there on time.)
3. Appreciate your dorm for what it is.
People used to tell me I was going to get tired of dorm life. Quite the opposite, I was sad to leave it. I loved my dorm. I loved my hall mates. I loved being able to walk across the street and see my friends at two in the morning, and I loved being ten minutes away from every class, dining hall, and facility I could need. Dorm life is hard. It builds character. It makes you appreciate privacy. It forces you to learn how to coexist with another person. It gets you out of your comfort zone. It makes you realize how grateful you are for your mom and your cats and your own washing machine where you can leave your clothes for as long as you want, and your room where you can really be alone-alone, and your driveway where you can park without getting a ticket. But dorm life is also beautiful. It gives you built in friends you never would have found outside of your hall. It puts you in the center of a beautiful energy you'll never recreate. It's one of a kind. Learn to love it, because you might just miss it.
4. Say "hey" first.
I will always love freshmen because of how willing they are to make friends. I remember my very first week of college when everyone was so eager to get to know people. Nobody knew anybody, and conversation flowed so freely. Every place with people was open grounds for a meet and greet. Now, the idea of seeing a stranger on a bus and randomly asking their major is ridiculous, but it shouldn't have to be. I wish that initiating conversation with strangers were normal even when we don't really "need" it. I wish open conversation and quickly developed intimacy between strangers wasn't just a means of first-year self-preservation. I wish our social lives were like one long freshman year.
5. Get used to interacting with strangers.
I used to be so afraid and awkward around people I didn't know. Sitting next to someone in a crowded room? Too weird, I'll take the floor. Public restrooms? Who uses those, I'll wait until I get home. Asking for help in a store? That cashier is going to hate me, I'll come back tomorrow. Let me tell you, once you've sat on a stranger's lap on an Orbit and gotten locked out of your room in nothing but a towel, your interactions with everyday strangers change a little bit. Privacy is nothing but a thing. Sitting next to a stranger in a movie? That's nothing after sitting without clothes in a stranger's room while you wait for your roommate to come back with the key.
6. More than anything, learn to be in the moment.
Learn to love where you are even if you don't necessarily want to be there. Trust the process and try to enjoy it. I promise you'll miss it more than you think.
