First of all, rape is not a dirty word and it is also not something that we, as a society, should talk about candidly. Growing up I always thought of rape as something distant and far removed from my world. It was one of those things that I never thought would actually impact my personal life or affect the way that I saw myself. In light of recent events, I once again find myself angered at the way that our society continually disengages from the topic of rape.
Rape is disregarding a “no”.
Although this really should be obvious to anyone who is living and breathing a “no” is a “no”. If someone asks you a simple yes or no question like “Is it raining?” - it’s an easy yes or no answer with no grey areas. Why is the answer to question so easy for someone to understand, yet when positioned with an infinitely more important question society all of a sudden finds the answer is “unclear”. No means no. Period.
Rape is forcing an “I guess…” or a “fine”.
If someone is repeatedly pressuring you into doing something that you are not comfortable with and you “give in” to their requests even though it’s contrary to your wishes then you are still a victim. If you are pressured into giving an answer that is not truly your own then you have been coerced and any consent given becomes invalid.
Rape is targeting someone who is intoxicated.
It's common sense but, if someone is under the influence, then they are not mentally or physically capable of granting anyone their consent. My advice, if you see someone drunk - don’t try to have sex with them because it never ends well for either party.
Rape is ignoring a “stop.”
If someone says stop that means you better quit your current course of action and respect their wishes. If you brush it off as a joke or refuse to acknowledge someone telling you to stop you are guilty of rape if you disregard their request. Don’t turn someone's no into a yes.
Rape is continuing after a “…”
Even if you’re in the heat of the moment, that doesn’t give you the right to elevate the level of intimacy without the consent of the other person. Not proposing the question or not waiting for an answer means that you are stripping the other person of the ability and the right to express their wishes. If they don’t say anything, then you do not have consent yet.
Rape is more common than any of us is truly willing to admit. Society likes to believe that it’s not a part of our culture, but it’s in the movies we watch, the books we read, the conversations we have, the music we listen to, and the interactions we have. Whether we like it or not rape culture is around us and it’s up to us to stand up for what’s right and true even in a culture of confusion.
