Relationships are hard.
There is so much pressure from society, family, friends, yourself, and your partner. With all of this, it can be hard to navigate. It's imperative that when you enter into a relationship, it is with a pleasant person, an open mind, and a good heart.
Sometimes, there are red flags in the beginning. Red flags that are hard to see, or maybe you don't want to see. You think, "Oh, it's just early on, it's fine." You think he's just being weird, or you know, you don't care. You are just so happy, so you ignore it.
Well, don't.
The behaviors he begins with are going to finish strong. Meaning: raising his voice now could mean raising a fist later. Don't allow yourself to get lost in him because it's "my fault" or "he didn't mean to."
He did mean to, and it is never your fault.
1. He doesn't like your confidence.
Every girl should be confident. You should always feel happy, comfortable and beautiful in your own skin. If he says, "You look great today," and your response is, "I know, I appreciate that," -- and he doesn't like that confidence?
That is a red flag.
You are allowed to feel happy in your skin. Don't let him tell you differently or make you feel bad about it. That is not OK.
2. He gets mad if you're 'not in the mood.'
Your body is just that: your body. He is not allowed to touch you without your permission. He is not allowed to make you feel bad if you don't want to have sexual contact with him.
That is never OK, and that is a definite red flag. Do not let him think he can decide when he should/shouldn't touch you. That is always your choice.
3. He makes everything your fault.
If he is having a bad day, that is not your fault. If you go to the store, and they're out of whatever he asked you to get, and he gets mad, that isn't your fault. If he is upset about something completely unrelated, and gets mad at you, that is not your fault.
Do not let him tell you or make you feel like it's your fault. It isn't.
4. He doesn't trust you.
I understand it takes time to trust. That is perfectly fine. There is a line, though. If he goes through your phone, or gives you 20 questions every time you see him, that is a red flag.
Your phone is your phone. That is not his business. You could be planning a surprise party, or just talking about something you don't want him to know yet. There is a difference between trust and fear.
5. He comments on your weight.
I don't know what it is with guys and thinking women walk the earth to please them, but we don't. I can eat a cheeseburger whenever I want. I can have dessert. I can do that, and still love myself.
So can you!
Don't let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, or that you can't love the body you have.
If you are living life and loving your body, and some man tells you to change it? -- you lose more pounds by dropping him! A man who doesn't love and accept you for you, is dead weight. You don't need him.
6. He's extremely jealous.
If you go out and see some guy friends from high school, and he gets mad because you made eye contact, that's not OK. You are a person. It is healthy to have male and female interactions. You have friends.
Don't get to a point where you're afraid to even speak to a male other than him. He should trust you. Jealousy is just another form of insecure immaturity.
7. He tries to take you away from your friends.
Everyone needs friends. Everyone. End of story. You need friends to listen, be there for you and support you. If he takes you away from them, and secludes you, that is not OK.
8. He puts his hands on you.
Repeat after me: No one is allowed to put their hands on you.
It doesn't matter if he hung the stars or if he invented popcorn: he does not touch you without your permission. He does not hit, push, slap, or kick you. You are not his punching bag.
It doesn't matter how "mad" you "made him." There is no excuse.
9. He says things to make you mad or hurt you.
If he purposely says things to hurt your feelings or make you upset, then he is not good for you. He does not have your best interest at heart. That is the bottom line. Any "man" who chooses to say things with the motive to make you feel inferior, is not a man at all.
10. He is controlling.
"You're not wearing that."
"I don't want you hanging out with them."
"You're not allowed to do that."
Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then you have yourself a controlling person. It's not OK. Your boyfriend is not your parent, and they should not be telling you what to do.
11. He belittles you.
Being patronized is not fun. Especially by someone who is supposed to be your equal. I cannot stand being talked to like I am a child. Don't talk to me like I have the mental capacity of a two year old. I understand what you're saying, and you don't have to talk to me like you're gonna lose me.
These are all red flags. Please don't ignore them. Recognize them when you see them. Please, if you or someone you know is in one of these situations, tell someone. It could be too late.
Don't let someone destroy you. Recognize and understand you deserve so much more.
You matter.
