“Trauma-bonding.” This term is relatively new to me, having only heard it for the first time within the last week. I learned it on a Facebook group designed to help people that have been abused by partners or ex-partners who suffer from narcissistic issues or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder).
I had always wondered why, in past relationships, over many years, I always felt this urge, this burning desire to keep contact with people who were abusive or just plain toxic to me. I’m feeling this especially strong recently, following the end of a short, fire and ice-filled relationship that ended in extreme heartbreak. I am trauma-bonded to him. I feel as though I can not live without him, no matter how badly he hurt me. Even though it has been months since we’ve spoken, the scars he’s left on my brain and my heart are ones that will take years to overcome.
As a person who struggles with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), the task of coping and keeping a “no contact” agreement with him is especially tolling. I ache for him, as a result of my trauma-bonding, and I feel I would gladly take back the abuse if only I can just have him for one more day. I want to go back because even though there were all the negatives, he made me feel so incredibly euphoric all other times of the day. It’s like he was roping me in and every time I’d attempt to pull away, recoiling from his words, he’d pull me back in and make me feel like I had to stay.
If you’ve ever been trauma-bonded to someone, you know how incredibly difficult it is to navigate within your own head. People berate you for wanting to go back but you don’t care. You also know, deep down, that it is not good for you to be with that person again, however, you still don’t care.
This is a messege for anyone who has suffered from this: you can get through it. You WILL recover from the trauma and the abuse. You don’t have to settle for someone who treats you like a doormat, only there to please their needs. Remember, you are not alone and life will get better.
