If you knew me, you wouldn't peg me as someone who suffered from an eating disorder. That is because of one reason; I didn't suffer from an eating disorder, I overcame bulimia.
I did not back down and become a victim, I stood up to the shadows in my own head and defeated them.
This was not an easy conquest, but I see it as a blessing. I was fortunate enough to learn in 22 years what many women don't even learn throughout the course of their entire life; how to truly love myself. Everyday I make it my goal to love myself even harder, deeper, and more fully.
Here is my, (a recovering bulimics), guide to cultivating a deep love for yourself, despite your troubles and self-doubt:
1. Don't entertain the ego.
You need to know the liberating truth that the soul only speaks in love. This love comes in a whisper, which can easily get overpowered by the clamor of the ego. Do not entertain the ego. The ego is the voice that haphazardly tries to protect itself by ironically doing things that are harmful, such as making comparisons and erroneous statements like 'you're not good enough".
2. Stop the negative talk.
Just stop it. Stop it about yourself and most importantly stop it about others. You are a mirror into society and if you are sitting by, judging others negatively by their body or lifestyle, then you are inherently inflicting these negative thoughts onto yourself.
3. Find your tribe.
Find people who love themselves fiercely and use them as a role model. Notice how they react to something troubling; do they dread dessert because of the calories, or do they enjoy the shared experience with their friends and savory every bite? When they fail, what do they do? Begin taking note of how these people treat themselves and mimic these behaviors and feelings. I think humans are very prone to adjusting with their surroundings, just make sure your surroundings are that of love and kindness.
4. Beware of friendly fire.
Break up with the chronic self-deprecators. Just like it is possible to adjust to a positive and loving environment, it is very easy to come crashing down the slippery slope of negativism. I'm not saying you have to outright abandon your friends because they are self-depreciating, but you must proactively protect yourself from these criticisms. The violent blow of being around someone as they continue to tear themselves down can hurt you through this friendly fire. A simple and jovial way to redirect a friend's self-deprecation is by saying to them, "Hey, don't talk to my friend that way". It reminds them that treatment of the self should be consistent with treatment of others. If it is a chronic problem and you have already informed them of your attempts to regain self love/ avoidance of triggering words and they still do not quit, it might be time to move on.
5. Spend time doing things that you love.
This may seem like common sense but enjoyment is so easily overlooked in our society. My yoga practice and enjoyment was instrumental to helping me defeat my eating disorder, and I always made sure I carved out enough time in my day to do what I loved. You can't expect your mind and body to love you back if you do not treat it well; give your soul ample time to do what it truly desires and your body the space to move in a way that feels right.
6. Do not diet, it will never be your answer.
Sometimes when my binge eating and excessive exercise got really extreme, I felt like a new and "better" diet would help me break the cycle. "This will be the one", I would think as I scrolled through some nonsensical blog detailing the latest and greatest starvation plan. But it never was. It never helped me. It left me feeling more deprived and emptier than before. Do eat foods that call to your body, in quantities that feel right, not excessive, but just right. Healthy foods heal the soul and nourish the body, but obsession about every last little bite will only leave you feeling imperfect and restricted.
7. Walk.
A simple way to induce happy endorphins that puts no stress on the body is walking. Whether it is in nature, with a pet or loved one, or alone, walking can refill you with literal positive vibes and help keep you healthy.
8. Be thankful.
Every time my ego tries to derail my progress I consciously replace the negative self-talk with gratitude. It's an easy enough activity, simply think of something that you are thankful for, such as the ability to have clean drinking water, or legs that carry you, and plug these thoughts into the space that was being held for the negativity.
9. Replace an old, damaging habit, with a new one.
If you can sense a common pattern that is leading to unhappiness--say eating too much at lunch because you eat alone in an office, replace this habit with going for a stroll (see number 7!) and eating somewhere outside instead. You will not crave the old habit if you immediately replace it and introduce something new in it's place.
10. Do the thing.
Many times we are pulled into the dark clutches of eating disorders or other self-destructive activities because we are unhappy about something in our life. If there is something you need, to leave your job, end the relationship, go back to school, then you must pursue this passion. Do the thing that you know you need to do, and do it just as fiercely as you might one day love yourself. Do the thing with passion, and unapologetically. Do the thing without fear, just do it. Don't waste another day not loving yourself and not doing the thing that your soul yearns for the most.
