Something I’ve noticed that a lot of women I know struggle with is dating the same guys over and over and being unhappy with it.

A theory I have about this exact problem goes something like this. You have “Guy A”. You date Guy A for a while and for whatever reason things don’t pan out so you split. Then the mentality becomes to date only the opposite of Guy A. This is where Guy B comes in. Guy B is different from Guy A in every way. You think you’ve nailed it. That is, until, that doesn’t work out. So now the mindset, once again, is to date the exact opposite of Guy B. Can you think of anyone that’s the opposite of Guy B? Yes! Guy A. So you go out and date someone exactly like your first boyfriend and follow this cycle over and over.

I call this a Love Lasagna. One after another you have ingredient 1 and ingredient 2 overlapping. While sauce and noodles are great, no disrespect, it’s the spices and basil and cheese and everything else that make lasagna worth eating. If you spend your life dating noodles and sauces you’ll inevitably end up with a just a bowl of pasta, which doesn’t seem that bad, but when you wanted lasagna and you just get pasta it’s practically inedible.

Following my food analogy, I believe the key to breaking this vicious cycle is to seek out the spices. They say variety is the spice of life and while I’d hate to reduce my thesis to fortune cookie wisdom, what they say is true in this case. If you suffer from an incomplete Love Lasagna (patent pending) then my suggestion to you is to make people who aren’t your archetypal type your type.

It’s a matter of keeping your hopes up and your eyes open. The greatest chefs often find inspiration in peculiar places and I see no reason why this methodology should not apply to looking for love.