Lately, I have not been able to stop thinking about personalities. In particular, I’ve been thinking about the infamous effects of introversion and extroversion. See, I’ve been reading a well-known nonfiction book on introversion. It’s called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. I’ve heard it being called a manifesto for introverts, and I honestly have to agree. This book delves into the strengths and weaknesses of being introverted (or extroverted), as wells as common traits and anything else you may want to know about that one personality spectrum we seem to be obsessed with.

And this book appeared in my life at the perfect time, given the other reason personality has been haunting my thoughts lately. I’m currently working in two different restaurants for the summer. One of them I have been working at all summer and the other I just started working at (I swear this is important). And although people seem to think I’m good at my jobs, I have yet to find some kind of fulfillment. It doesn’t make me happy. Every interaction with a customer seems to contain a moment where I feel foolish or like I lack the proper words to say to them. Every decision that requires immediate decisions makes me want to scream because I have never been good at snap decisions. My head fills with multiple different scenarios and consequences and I suddenly feel like a deer in the head lights. And if something goes wrong, I immediately feel like all I want to do is return home and hide under the covers (in fact, I felt like this today). And every single day, I feel exhausted once I clock out.

Now, I’ve never really felt like this is unnatural. I’ve always believed this to be caused by my introversion. But, after reading Cain’s in-depth account, I feel like I have a better understanding of what goes on underneath my own red hair. I understand why it is that the more days I spend working, the less exhausting I find it: I know more, and more importantly I generally know what to say. Certain dialogues have played through my head every day for the past month and a half, so I no longer lack the proper words under most circumstances. Granted. I cannot talk with as much easy as many of my co-workers, but I have managed to find my place, especially if there are not too many customers. That it, until I got my new job where I went back to know nothing and feeling overwhelmed – which isn’t exactly uncommon amongst introverts because I’ve entered into a job where everything is a new stimulus. Whereas at my other job those things that used to be overwhelming stimuli have now faded into calmness that comes with the routine.

Yet, the most interesting thing to me is that while working I don’t feel like I have the same personality. I feel like I have put on another persona – one who is always happy and willing to help. Many would tell me that that is a sign of change in my personality, but after reading Cain’s book I starting to believe that, although I may be pushing the boundaries of my personality, I haven’t changed anything. And the proof arrived in the form of my new job when I immediately felt like my happy persona had disappeared and in its place was a shy, nervous, serious-looking 19-year-old girl named Eleanor.

I highly recommend reading "Quiet" if you are at all interested in different personalities and temperaments. It gives you plenty to consider in regards to your own life.