Last night, my housemate and I watched Nancy Meyer's "The Intern" starring Anne Hathaway as Jules Ostin: a smart, slightly OCD CEO of a fashion startup company called 'About the Fit.' Enter Robert De Niro as Ben Whittaker: a retired widower who seeks an Internship at Ostin's company to revitalize his life. Put the two together and you get a classic intergenerational comedy. Or perhaps a seemingly relevant portrayal of women in business only to be subverted by the advice and mentorship of an older, white man. Okay, if you've seen the movie already, or just think I am not a feminist, hear me out. I think some of our feminine zeitgeist has mistaken mentorship for something akin to dictatorship and mistaken male approval/advice for subversion, condescension, and belittling. Just so you don't worry, I believe that men and women should be given an equal chance to succeed in a variety of occupations, be paid the same wage (Go U.S. Women's Soccer) and be respected for things like motherhood (and everything that goes with it). In short, women deserve an equal voice in the conversation about what it means to be human.
There. Now, hear me out.
In 'The Intern' Jules is so invested in her work with care and precision that she doesn't let anyone in, not even her husband. She is shown to have no friends (the stay at home moms snipe at her for working) and the only person she comes to truly trust for most of the film is Ben Whittaker, her intern. Ben is 70 years old and delivers some surprisingly sage, if not sometimes cliche advice. He gives Jules a lot of advice about her company, about believing in herself and about repairing her marriage.
Now, a lot of reviewers were upset with this fact that Meyers did not do enough to portray a woman breaking the glass ceiling. I'd argue it's because we have completely ruled out accepting affirmation from men as a positive thing. Granted, if it is the only thing you're looking for in life, then that is a problem. But, if you take any compliment, advice, suggestion, opinion from any man ever as the whip of the patriarchy then I think you need to back off. First, Ben's 'mentoring' of Jules (and any mentoring for that matter) portrays him as a guide, a trusted person who shares their wisdom with you in order to help you find your way. Often, mentor and mentee follow the same path together. There is no 'you should' or 'obey me' in a mentorship. It's a common pursuit of a similar truth by two people with varying levels of experience.
We are so darn focused on 'going it alone' with 'me, myself and I' we have forgotten what it means to receive mentorship and sound advice. We despise asking for help because it makes us look weak. Seriously, asking someone for help; even a knowledgeable old, white man, is okay.
There is one self-sacrificial move made by a certain male party in "The Intern" that some people called a 'subversion' because it allowed Jule's dream to go forward. However, the idea of a sacrificial decision coupled with forgiveness is not something you see in the movies. If you detect a man is honestly trying to sacrifice for you, ask for your forgiveness, genuinely compliments you -- don't brush him off. It is okay for a man to affirm your choices. He's not saying you can do it because he agrees, he is saying you can do it because he supports you.
While I have been blessed to have very positive relationships with men in my life, I am aware that this is not the same for everyone. I do, however, think we should rethink the way we view affirmation from men. The conversation on what it means to be human includes everyone. Let's not paint the other side as non-contributors.
