"Orange is the New Black" comes back this week with its debuting of season four. So here is a little recap of what happened in the last three seasons and some of our favorite moments to get us pumped for our all-day shower free, motionless, snack-filled binging (maybe not just a day for some of us).
If you never knew this, Netflix has a button under "Orange is the New Black," titled Trailers and Recaps. Each season has a nifty little video of the most important things that you need to know in preparation for June 17. If you’re like me, then you just haven’t had the time to re-watch all three seasons, and if you have -- you go, Glen Coco. Here is a quick review for you, too.
Season One:
Episode One: Piper spends the day with her boyfriend, Larry, before she turns herself in for a 15-month prison sentence.
Episode Two: Piper has to make that back cream for Red after being blocked from eating for insulting her food.
Episode Three: Crazy Eyes becomes our favorite little stalker as Piper tries to stay clear of her romantic advances.
Episode Four: This is the one where the screw driver goes missing and everyone flips out trying to find it.
Episode Five: The chicken. Enough said.
Episode Six: All the inmates run to be the leaders of their race in the prisoners council, the groups being white, black, Hispanic and old women.
Episode Seven: Piper tries to get the running track open again, and Alex and Pensatucky fight.
Episode Eight: Piper and Alex reminisce while trying to fix a dryer, and Pornstache begins to look into how drugs are getting into the prison.
Episode Nine: Piper gets thrown into solitary for her dance moves, and well, she loses it a little.
Episode Ten: Pensatucky is going around gabbing about her “healing hands” that Jesus gave her, meanwhile teenagers come in for a watered down “Scared Straight” in order to turn them from the life of crime.
Episode Eleven: Everyone is pretty upset about Tricia’s “suicide,” but Red, Nicky and Daya plot to get rid of the real cause of her death: Pornstache and his drug smuggling.
Episode Twelve: Pensatucky gets offended by Piper and it’s just blah.
Episode Thirteen: Piper and Pensatucky get into that crazy fight outside during the Christmas pageant where Nora, the mute, sings angelically and everyone loves it.
Season Two:
Episode One: Piper is moved from solitary, after being thrown in for beating the crap out of Penastucky, to a higher level prison. But she is there temporarily so she can testify against Alex’s drug boss, Kubra.
Episode Two: The Job Fair.
Episode Three: Soso gets to Litchfield and is, well, just super annoying, Morello has a giant break down from getting her heart broken.
Episode Four: Morello really looses it when she breaks into the man she’s stalking’s house.
Episode Five: The war of the bathrooms escalates and Vee and Gloria go at it.
Episode Six: Valentine's Day party in preparation and Red discovers a smuggler's hole in the floor of the greenhouse.
Episode Seven: Piper begins the prison newsletter and Vee starts her own business of cigarette production.
Episode Eight: Piper is getting crap for being granted furlough and we explore the past of Rosa’s life of crime.
Episode Nine: Red gets the crap beat out of her by Vee and her posse, Pornstache comes and Officer Bennett tells Caputo that Daya is pregnant and it must be Pornstache’s kid.
Episode Ten: Crazy Eyes beats up Poussey after she insults Vee, and Piper finds out that Larry slept with her best friend Polly.
Episode Eleven: Soso starts a hunger strike, and the older women form a plan to kill Vee, but everything goes to crap when they stab the wrong inmate.
Episode Twelve: A storm causes everyone to sleep in the mess hall together, Piper finds proof that Figueroa is frauding the prison and Vee attacks Red, severely injuring her.
Episode Thirteen: Caputo becomes interim deputy warden after Figueroa is forced to resign. Everyone turns off Vee, and she escapes through the greenhouse hole, meanwhile Rosa is told she has 3 to 6 weeks left to live and steals the prison van to escape. While she drives down the road, she sees Vee and runs her down.
Season Three:
Episode One: It’s Mother’s Day and moms are flooding into Litchfield to visit their children. Alex returns to Litchfield, Daya and Bennett work out their relationships while she is expecting their child, Red finds out Piper lied to her about her store.
Episode Two: Everyone has to wear paper suits and underwear because of a bed bug infestation. Alex and Piper are in a feud because Piper is the reason Alex is back in jail, Pornstache’s mother offers to adopt Daya’s baby, rumors of the prison closing due to budget cuts come out.
Episode Three: Heroin that Big Boo and Nicky had to sell was found by Caputo, and Luschek rats out Nicky for keeping it for herself, which gets her sent to a maximum security prison. Bennett goes missing and Daya starts to worry.
Episode Four: Caputo gives a tour to a private company that was once interested in buying the prison in order to keep it running, and they agree to take over operations.
Episode Five: New updates come from the new managing company, including a new work opportunity making underwear. Alex becomes paranoid that her old boss is trying to kill her.
Episode Six: A new prisoner introduced the idea of Kosher food being a better option, and Piper flirts with a new inmate.
Episode Seven: Piper starts her dirty panty business, and Norma is being looked at as a great miracle-working prophet.
Episode Eight: Alex becomes very paranoid of a new prisoner named Lolly who she believes is going to kill her. Crazy Eyes’ weird erotica novels gain a big following and struggles with the new company grow between Caputo and the managers.
Episode Nine: A rabbi is called in to quiz prisoners on their beliefs to see who really deserves the kosher meals. Piper and the new prisoner Stella start to get intimate. Alex is becoming more paranoid as she believes Lolly now has a shiv made of broken class and found a journal documenting Alex’s moves.
Episode Ten: Daya agrees to let Pornstache’s mother raise her child, and Alex confronts Piper about her relationship with Stella. Sophia and Gloria get into a fight and Alex and Lolly do as well. Penastucky is raped by Officer Coates.
Episode Eleven: Alex and Piper break up after Alex is not happy with Piper’s behavior in private and in their business. Big Boo vows Pensatukcy will get revenge on Officer Coates for what he did to her.
Episode Twelve: Daya goes into labor and deals with her mother who is angry with for trying to sell her child. Stella reveals she is getting out soon, and Red holds a lottery for a fancy dinner party.
Episode Thirteen: Piper frames Stella before she is able to get out and gets her sent to a maximum security prison because she stole the profits from her panty selling business. Morello gets married, and Taystee, Poussey and Crazy Eyes help save Brooke from her attempt at suicide. All of the inmates are able to escape to a nearby beach because of a construction mishap where Black Cindy can officially become baptized into Judaism. Alex gets cornered in the greenhouse by one of Kubra’s men, and it ends with dozens of new prisoners being transferred into Litchfield.
Now that we’re all caught up, get pumped and listen to the theme song on repeat for the next 60-something hours. Season four is just under a week away.