Trust is KEY in the parent-teen dynamic, and I honestly don't get how kids mess it up so bad! Now, I understand some parents are more strict than others, but trust can still take you a long way. Like any relationship you will encounter in your life, it requires communication; the backbone of trust. If you play your cards right, you won't have to lie to your parents about that party you want to go to, they'll actually offer to pick you up if you have a few drinks.
To give a little background on my parents, who are actually my grandparents, they are in their 70s and the hippest people I know. They weren't always like that though. Like many parental figures in our life, they grew up with strong, sometimes outdated, values that they tried instilling in me. This is where teens nowadays run into trouble, they rebel against these teachings because it doesn't match the modern lifestyle they are trying to live (I know, I've been there). I went through a heinous phase where I did everything wrong, I may have even gotten into a few tussles with the law. Needless to say, my relationship with my parents went through the wringer.
At the time I was going through this deviant phase, my mindset was: if I tell them, they're going to be mad and not let me do whatever I'm trying to do...what they don't know won't kill them. I feel like this is a similar mentality many teens have toward their parents, and it's understandable. I mean, a parent's main job is to sit around and not let you have fun, right? Uh, not quite. Though many times that's what the situation might call for, all parents really want is for their kids to be safe and responsible. Granted, this is all coming from me in hindsight, after the fact. So if you are still in the battle, stick with me, I swear it gets better.
Eventually, I got older and realized I didn't necessarily want to be considered the rebel teen-I was just trying to have fun and be me. There was a point in high school where I felt very lost and vulnerable, and of course my parents were there to support me. It was then that I started to open up to them about my feelings, and what I really was trying to accomplish with my behavior. It takes two to tango. My parents realized they could stand to loosen the reigns a bit, and I definitely had to get my act together in order for them to feel comfortable doing so.
I don't want to say it was all smooth sailing after that point, there was LOTS of turbulence in this trusting process. However, over time, life became a ton easier for both parties involved. I started to be honest about my whereabouts and intentions, and they might not always agree or approve, but they respect that I have the audacity to tell them.Parents would much rather hear from you beforehand, rather than catch you after the fact. I can't begin to tell you how mad I am that I didn't open up sooner. I could've saved us a lot of pain and anger.
My parents are much more lenient and are genuinely excited for me when I have something going on. They want to see me enjoying my life and understand I'm a teen, I'll make some mistakes. The point is to keep them updated and informed. I can do so much more than I could do before I gained their trust, and communicating with them only helps my case! They've even surprised me with some of the things they've allowed me to do now.
When your parents can trust that you know what you are and aren't ready for, that's when you know you've won.
