I could spend all day wallowing about the reasons why I dislike Smith. In fact, it would be very easy to call out all the issues I’ve had with Smith over my four years here, but I decided to do something I very rarely do: Be optimistic. I’m a senior, which means my college experience is slowly coming to an end. For various reasons, I have decided to stick it out, to be a first-generation Smithie and finish what I started. Now is a time for self-reflection. Here are the things I've discovered during my journey at Smith and why I stayed.

1. My thoughts are valid and valuable.

I knew from the start that I wanted to attend a women’s college. I was raised around very strong, passionate, charismatic women who I love and admire, which influenced my decision subconsciously. Even more so, I realized that there is such a different dynamic within spaces that men are less likely to inhabit. I became aware of how self-conscious I've been about things women have been historically told to be aware of while in the presence of men. While men have always been attributed to being sources of confidence, power and authority, women are expected to take up less space, to be seen and not heard.

Yet, Smith is where I learned the negatives and positives about mainstream feminism. It has also allowed me to be more conscious, as well as confident in my own ideas. Years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to speak aloud in front of a small group, nevertheless an entire crowd. (This is not to say that introversion or shyness is a character flaw that needs to be overcome). If anything, I am able to think thoroughly about my own intellectual contributions and back it up without hesitation or fear of disagreement. Smith’s environment has fostered a community where women are encouraged to speak up and take the lead.

2. Major confidence boost!

As I previously stated, introversion and shyness is not a character flaw. This is a great statement that I immediately reblogged, while procrastinating on Tumblr. I’m definitely someone who gravitates towards the nearest corner of the room with the fewest people, seeking quiet and solitude.

With this being said, the world is catered to extroverts, to social butterflies who feed off of other people’s energy, instead of being drained by it. While extroverts possess great social skills, I’ve learned to be confident in the qualities that make me, well, me. As great as it is to be able to work a room, there is also something to be said about people who are able to listen, slow down and reflect instead of having to constantly engage with everyone in order to feel impactful. I used to think that my attributes were flaws that would stunt me from making friends, public speaking or networking, when in reality knowing what works for me has made it easier to identify the spaces and people I want to grow and engage with.

3. I have supporters.

I have created a close and meaningful tight-knit community of friends and faculty who appreciate and nurture me. They are willing to be honest, critical and supportive. I know that they have my best interests in mind and can see my full potential even when I can’t. I have also realized the ways in which I impact my peers and my family. Being away from home has actually made me closer to my family, in that we are able to communicate much better and cherish the time that we have together now that we don’t see each other on a daily basis. I also am aware of the example that I am setting for my family members as a first generation Smith student. As well, I am aware of how proud my family is of me.

4. Black has always been beautiful!

Things got quite tough at Smith last semester and with the emergence of the #BlackLivesMatter movement. It became clear that there were incredulous white students who were somehow able to continue about their normal lives, while the rest of us tried to figure out ways to deal with the double consciousness of being exposed to two very different worlds.

One is the elite institution, which teaches about racism, but somehow does not explain how these ideas permeate outside of the classroom. The other is the world outside of Smith, where some (not all) black students (and other PoC), like myself, have been exposed to violence from a very young age and have never been able to cope or even knew that there was something to cope with.

Yet, it is also within this space that I found a community that reassured me that I am allowed to grieve, mourn, cry, scream and do whatever it is that I need to do in order to take care of myself as a black woman. I’m sure other people of color can attest to the amount of pride one feels coming from such a remarkable history and culture full of great food, music, dance, art, literature, leaders and much more. Being on a predominately white, upper-middle class campus definitely tests my patience and ability to deal with ignorance on a daily basis, but I am also glad that I am here. I am persevering and I am thriving.

There is nothing that can stop me or discourage me from following my dreams. Black people are not a monolith and although we share a common history, we do not all share the same experiences, language and so on. Yet, being on this campus has allowed me to connect with other students of color (both black and non-black) and forge connections of solidarity as we cement our place in the world and on-campus.

5. I gained independence (sort of).

Let’s be real, there are times when I need to call home because I need extra money for books or food. Most times, I feel too proud or too guilty to call home to ask for help and, sometimes, this is just not a feasible option. I do not come from a wealthy background and understand that there are other people in my family other than myself who have financial burdens.

So, yes, sometimes I’d rather be broke for two weeks than call home and ask for help. It may seem silly, but it also attests to my need to be more responsible and careful with how I spend my time and money. All the experiences that I’ve had getting a job, learning to cook and balancing money have all been things I’ve had to learn once being on-campus. Probably the biggest obstacle I’ve had to face is learning and explaining the financial aid process to my family. Things can become extremely tough when you are beginning to do stuff on your own, but that is also when you utilize your resources and ask for help.

Although I did learn how to be independent, it is important to understand that life isn’t an experience that you go through on your own but one that is shaped by the interactions that you have with those around you. Learn how to be comfortable doing things on your own, but also know your limitations and ask for help when necessary. It will save you from a stress-fest (I promise).

6. The opportunities are endless...

Smithies love other Smithies. And guess what? They want to help you! Networking isn’t my strong suit, yet somehow, Smithies always end up finding each other and want to support you as much as they possibly can. Smith has provided opportunities for me through internships, panel discussions and career development workshops that have taught me how to write a proper cover letter, resume and apply for certain positions.

Take every moment to utilize the resources that are available; visit the Lazarus Center, explore departments that you haven’t worked with before and, most of all, get to know other Smithies. You never know the impact or impression that you will have on someone. And because Smith is a liberal arts institution, I have more opportunities to study things that are catered to my particular interests. Finally, being in the Pioneer Valley means having access to the Five College system, in which you can explore and engage in other classrooms off-campus.

7. The atmosphere is unmatchable.

Smith is beautiful. Whether it’s snowy, rainy, or a sunny afternoon, the atmosphere always gets me. There is something tranquil about traveling from New York City to the Pioneer Valley that feels transformative. I’m forced to slow down, take a breath and I can actually look up and see the stars at night. Another reason why I enjoy Smith is because of its campus community and the small-classroom atmosphere. The professors actually know your name and care about you. You can walk outside and be greeted by the most beautiful Husky or Chow Chow. If you ever need a moment to yourself, you can literally swing by Paradise Pond or take a walk around campus.

I think it’s safe to say that, overall, I'm glad I stayed.