"I'll be right back."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Talk to you in the morning."

We all hear those phrases every day. They're so commonplace now that we don't even think twice about saying them anymore.

But what if that person doesn't come right back? What if you don't see that person tomorrow? What if you don't talk to that person in the morning?

For those of you who don't know, National Suicide Prevention Week was this past week, September 7-13, centered around World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10. It's there to remind us of the average 112.7 people who commit suicide in the U.S. per day. It's there to say that for every 13 minutes that pass in the day, one person has killed him/herself. It's there to show that over 1 million people have attempted suicide in the United States. It especially hits home with me, because it takes me back to the time I felt that same way.

Depression is a serious mental disorder that is often downplayed in today's society. The phrases "kill yourself" and "I'm gonna kill myself" are thrown around like it doesn't mean anything, when in reality it can trigger everything for one person. I've struggled with depression since middle school, and I don't think I can ever properly explain the kind of sadness that depression brings to someone's life. It effects everything I do - I often find myself laying in bed on a Friday, not wanting to go out or be with anyone, and it's not because I'm an introvert (although I can be sometimes). It's because there's a heaviness on my heart that I physically cannot shake off of me to the point that I can't and don't want to move. It's because I don't want my attitude and depression to rub off onto anyone else; most of all, I don't want to be a burden. Everyone has that kind of feeling sometimes, but with depressed people, the feeling is intensified.

I will never forget the times I sat on the floor of my hot pink bedroom back home, crying and cutting myself because I thought I was useless. Fat. Ugly. Worthless. I thought that the physical release of pain would take away the emotional pain I felt.

I will never forget the numbness I felt behind the wheel of a car, because it would be so easy to make a car wreck look like an accident. I remember trying to tie a belt around my neck and tighten it until I could finally be pain-free. I remember thinking it would be easier for my family and friends if I wasn't there anymore, because I thought I was a bother. Even writing this is bringing me back to the darkest places that I told myself I would never go back to.

Something stopped me from ending my own life every single time. I have to believe that it was a force of God, because I don't think I had the strength in me back then to actually stop myself. It's important to acknowledge this as a part of what has molded me into the person that I am - many people pretend that they haven't gone through this, or don't want to admit it to themselves, let alone anyone else. I've been like that for a long time, but I wanted to write this to say to every other person in this world who feels like this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are never alone. You will have bad days, but you will have good ones, too. Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse; suicide eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better. And it will get better, I am living proof of that. Do not give up, do not EVER give up. You will see the rainbow after the rain and the sunshine after the night. You will, I can promise you that.

"I'll be right back."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Talk to you in the morning."

Maybe now you can mean it.