Before I begin, I want to say that the reason I left the church was not to spite anyone I knew. Half of my family is Christian and I believe religion could be one of the most beautiful things in the world, if it's right for you. I had gone to church for as long as I could remember. When I was younger, I would be dressed in gold garland and a white dress on Christmas Eve and stand on the stage to sing songs that I couldn't quite understand. I think the problem was that I believed in something that I never could never fully explore. There was no room for leeway. There was no space for curiosity. I was taught to believe that all things to wonder, to explore, and to question, could be answered by God.
One of the main reasons I left God was not because I stopped believing in Him, but because I stopped believing that everything around me could have one answer. Even when I was much younger, in my religion classes I never felt the freedom to ask questions. The people who taught me, acted like the faith provided all of the answers. I felt a lot like a project.
Recommended for you
Christianity has a great emphasis on "saving". If you live your life by a strict set of rules, you can be saved. I learned about being saved when I was eight years old. I remember sitting at a desk with a think paper fold out, that emphasized large cartoony images of a women dressed in colored cloth and sandals. Next to her, was a list, of the seven deadly sins. Hubris, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, sloth and anger. The moment I looked at the list, eight year old me had panicked. I knew that at some point in my life, I had felt anger. And I knew at some point in my life I had been greedy. My heart sunk deep into my stomach. I was going to hell. But no, I could be saved. The only thing that could possibly save me from my own frail humanity, was God.
I thought about it a lot after that. How could I control the things that grow inside of me? How could I suppress my own human emotions for the great power above? I couldn't. So I was to be damned. Eight year old Lindsay, decided she was damned.
I left God because members of the church looked down upon people who didn't agree with them. There was no acceptance, or respect for other cultures or religions. There was no love for those who looked for faith in places other than the Bible.
I left God because nobody told me I was allowed to doubt something I couldn't see.
I left God because Christianity felt like it was based more on scaring people into acting a certain way, rather than giving them hope and faith.
I left God because I fell in love with the idea of curiosity in the way our world could have been created. People finding variation in the opinions of how our world came to be is, in my opinion, amazing. Personally, my belief in evolution always seemed perfectly fine. It worked for me. I had evidence to back it up. I had a belief that was mine, and in no way would I try to project it onto someone whos beliefs varied. Christianity never had that respect for what I believed in. It was all or nothing. So I went with nothing.
Deciding to stop worrying about a religion I never understood was the best decision I've ever made. I live my life based on passion, emotion, and education. This is something that followers of God would never approve of me doing. Now, I believe in something much greater.
I believe in love with a person of the same gender. I believe that anger, greed, and lust, are all parts of discovering yourself, and not something to be afraid or ashamed of. I believe that humans evolved. I believe we are still evolving. Evolving into greater things, greater people with bigger hearts and imperfect souls. I believe in passion and opinion and asking questions without fear. I don't believe everything happens because God has a reason. I believe things happen randomly, and sometimes perfectly. I believe in whatever I want, and maybe someday these beliefs will change. But for now, I am happy with the life this world has given me, and I don't feel the need to thank a religion. I thank myself and the people around me.
