Sometimes, it's hard to quit old habits. It doesn't matter if they're good or bad; it's hard to change things in your life when you're not necessarily ready for it. You can have the greatest intentions, but sometimes it's not enough. When you reach that point in your life, and you'll know when you know, it's time to let go. It's time to say, "I'm done."
I feel that I can speak for many when we've all said those words, "I'm done," it's usually followed with repetition over the next months, or even years. It's hard to say goodbye to people or habits, even when we want to change our lives. It can take a few times (or many) to finally get it right.
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So, to really say "I'm done," I believe, takes great courage. It takes strength, and the hope that life will get better sometime soon. We all struggle with it, because the memories, the comfortability, and the fear can make us drag our feet. Even if we're not happy, we sometimes choose suffering, because it's all that we've ever known.
This can apply to many different aspects of a person's life, but I'm going to hone in on love. I know many struggle with saying, "I'm done," when it comes to someone that they really love, myself included. It's hard to think of a life without someone you never thought you'd lose, to crave their presence in your life you may have taken for granted. You may sacrifice a lot of yourself to keep someone close, even if they don't deserve it. We often try to keep people in our lives that are only meant to stay for a few chapters in our story, not the whole novel. This isn't their story; it's yours.
Love makes the seemingly simplest decisions some of the worst. You go back and forth, you second guess what you know you deserve, and you start making excuses. Maybe it's all part of "the plan," maybe the timing is wrong, maybe you're not ready, maybe maybe maybe....
Love is a beautiful gift, but it can be a terrible curse when you give it to the wrong person. It can change you into someone you never thought you'd become. I've seen it, I've experienced it, and I'm here to tell you that you are not alone. You need to pick yourself up, straighten your backbone, and really mean it when you say, "I'm done."
I say this to you like your loved ones do, because no one should ever be made to feel like they aren't good enough. No one should question their worth as a human being. I don't need to know you to know that you crave a love so deep and passionate which led you to wish and try to settle for something that only fills half your cup. Believe me, I get it.
As much as I hate to say it, we often reach our breaking points when we are left no choice. When we are pushed so far to the edge that we have no other option but to fight back. But there's something heartbreakingly beautiful when we whisper or scream those words, "I'm done." Maybe it's in an act of defiance, or maybe it is literally the only thing that we can say in defeat. Because you fought the good fight, you gave it your all, and you are still strong enough at the very end to say those words. We can be left standing strong or a crumpled mess on the floor, but there is still that resilience, that flame burning inside saying, "Enough. I'm done. I deserve better than this."
So when you're done, really be done. Don't mumble the words because it's what everyone is telling you to do. Don't hastily yell them out when you're not thinking clearly. And do not beg, trying to threaten someone to stay in hopes of losing you.
You have to be done for yourself. Because you truly believe that you don't deserve this kind of mediocre or dangerous love. That you want something greater in life and you no longer want a life with the wrong person for you. You have to stand your ground when those feelings of loneliness creep back in, when you crave that human touch to soothe your anxious mind. You have to learn how to be there for yourself, how to love yourself, and how to know when to walk away from people who take advantage of the love you want to give.
We have this twisted view of love, I think. I pray that you don't believe the suffering you're enduring is all part of the package deal. We accept the love we think we deserve, and we've got to stop running back to the people who broke us, thinking they will heal us. Only you can do that.
