What does it mean to have a true best friend who lasts through the years?
It means having someone who will give you the best advice and take yours in return - Having a constant support system encouraging you to strive for the most and ditch the negativity. She will never leave you behind in the dust, even if she's hundreds of miles away.
Writing this article, I reached out to the woman I've known and loved from sophomore year of high school and will continue to support well beyond this current sophomore year of college.
Although we think and often feel similarly, a key factor in a strong relationship as ours is balance. Our personalities compensate for one another's to fill gaps when a little push of courage or modesty might be called for.
While the day to day life of hometown pals may feel effortless, it becomes a little harder to read each other when distance cannot account for the frustrations and tears that aren't seen through FaceTime. These variances in our personalities shine through in person but can often become muddy when the only means to communicate are through a cell phone. So, asking my long-distance best friend for her honest opinions on what it is like to attend different colleges after graduating together was eye-opening even to me.
What did I expect?
One of her first points listed was that planning becomes difficult. This is an absolute given. Regardless of the institution, state, or income, going to different schools means dealing with different schedules. Universities expect that college students will want to meet up and get crazy together over spring break, which is absolutely accurate, so they appropriately time them in windows that overlap in the most inconvenient ways. Maybe I come down for break the day she drives back upstate.
I've had other friends who have returned for summer vacation days after I had to leave my hometown to begin summer classes. Whether it's school schedules or just life in general, something will always try to keep you apart. The true test of a friendship is seeing if you can both withstand what can sometimes feel like constant disappointment for the complete sense of joy when you finally catch a day or two together.
One aspect of our long-distance friendship that keeps us closer than ever, however, is the mutual need to take and give advice. In her words, "You don't know my new school friends so there aren't any emotional ties, allowing you to better process my wild problems from a more critical and logical view. You'll be the one who's going to tell me to stop being dramatic."
That's completely a two-way street. I find myself calling her on rainy days as I walk home from class, venting social and academic anxieties as if she were a therapist. While everyone expects to leave high school drama behind, life presents bigger and more complicated issues that can need some serious analysis. Having someone who loves and supports you, but isn't nose-deep in your situation, can help you to take a step back and see the bigger picture.
What didn't I expect?
"We're like sisters, and we have the memories to prove it, but hundreds of miles can really change things. I might become insecure that you've found a better me..."
From checking each others' Instagram profiles to replaying Snapchat stories, what seemed like a secure pair might start to feel like a secondary thought. While no one could replace the bond best friends share, space apart means finding new friends to spend time with and grow closer to.
It might seem like a great idea on a Friday night to add that #bestie sticker to a post, but how will that make your actual long-distance BFF feel Saturday morning? There are so many little actions and words that can be taken for granted which could make the distance seem to be growing farther than ever, but keeping communication a constant routine and speaking up will ultimately be the most critical part of that relationship
Leaving that stage at high school graduation should be one of the most exciting experiences in life, not the most stressful. We realized then, just as much as we do now, that walking a thousand miles is unrealistic as much as we may be willing to do it. All we can do is continue to try our best every day to have each others' backs and respond way too quickly to every text.
