Living with depression and anxiety means constantly comparing myself to those around me. I wish I was as smart as that person or talented as him or as good looking as her. Whatever the case may be, I always felt like I just wasn't good enough.
That's when I started to settle. I settled on a school because it was comfortable and I simply believed that I didn't need to apply to schools that could truly challenge me because I just wasn't worth it. I settled on average friends and guys who didn't actually care about me or respect me. I settled on believing I didn't deserve justice after my sexual assault case was simply dismissed. Worst of all, I settled on not loving myself. Not saying I loathed my own being, but I just shrugged my shoulders at the thought of who I was.
That's when I did a lot of praying.
I wish I could say there was a magical moment when I felt that "spark" within me, but if I'm being completely honest, it took time. It took a lot of therapy, examining my own choices, and preparing myself to make positive changes for me.
But here I am now. I realized I deserve an amazing college experience and even though the idea of transferring kind of terrifies me, I am so excited to finally do what is best for me. Now that I know I'm worthy of being loved and appreciated by amazing friends, I've gotten rid of those toxic relationships and reconnected with people that love me for the confident, silly, beautiful woman that I've become. I'm in a better place and if a potential relationship comes my way, I'll know that I deserve respect and endless appreciation.
I came to the conclusion that I was worthy of justice, and although life doesn't always go our way, I know what happened to me. He knows what happened and unfortunately for him, he's the one who has to live with it. I am worthy of peace, and in order to have that, I had to let go of the anger I had gripped onto for so long.
Not only am I enough, but I'm also more than that. I have my own story, my own strengths and I deserve nothing but the best.
Here's to never settling again.
