Before l begin, let me give you the definition of abuse.
Abuse is defined as the systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain power and control over another.
When people think of abuse they think of it on the physical level, but there are three other levels of abuse. There is emotional abuse which could involve cursing, swearing, attacks on self-esteem, blaming, criticizing your thoughts feeling. There is psychological which can involve threatening, throwing, smashing, breaking things, punching walls, hiding things, sabotaging your car. Last but certainly not least, there is sexual: any non-consenting sexual act or behavior. Abuse can come in any shape and form; I learned that the hard way. I have witnessed and been a victim of an abusive friendship.
I never thought that a friend could be abusive. As they say college opens your eyes to new things. I was amazed and horrified at the same time, I wondered why a friend could be so mean to you and yet still say that you are friends. I was disgusted. Then it happened to me. Friends who claimed had my back, but actually didn’t. Then a mutual friend of our mentioned that she thought I was being emotionally and psychologically abused by a couple of my ‘friends.’ When she said this I had t sit down and think if it was true.
I realized that it was very possible that I was being abused by these so called friends. I had this one friend who would always me feel stupid and foolish if I didn’t know something that was culturally appropriate or if I said something that was offensive, even if I didn’t realize it. This friend knew I grew up in a very conservative Catholic household and went to Catholic school all of life until that point. I was really only thought one way. Instead of her teaching me and helping me, she put me down to the point where I was crying myself to sleep. Yet the next day it would seem that she would forget about what she said the day before. It was really bad. I realized that it was happening a lot more then I would like to admit. It never really helped my self-esteem much. I had to learn to cut out this person from my life.
I had another friend who instead of talking to me if she had a problem with me, she would go around to pretty much the whole school and never tell me. I would have people coming up to me and tell me that that friend had a problem with me. Every time I tell her to stop, she says that she would, and yet she goes back and does it again. A few times she has complained about me to the point where she ruined my reputation with some people. She is also that type of person who does wrong, but somehow it still ends up as my fault. She could never be wrong. The new thing she is doing is disregarding my feelings and just never listens to me. This friend is harder to cut from my life, because even though she does this, the caring side of me can’t let her go until she receives help. This is not an excuse for her, but I know she is going through some things and she needs to take care of them and I know she needs me.
It really hurt realizing that I had some friendships that were hurting my emotional well-being. I had to learn to try and shield myself form their attacks. It was a hard thing to learn. I had to distance myself from these people. Luckily I have had a great support system of true friends. They are there for me when these people cause me to fall. They help me understand that it is not my fault. I learned that support systems are what s going to get me through all of this.
