Arguably, the only pro about becoming an independent human is being able to buy wine to accompany your frozen pizza on a Thursday night. Other than that, being old kind of blows. Here are the 20 sad realizations and regrets you have once you are forced into adulthood.
1. Regret not enjoying naps
Please remind me why I did not enjoy taking a nap in the middle of the day and preferred to run around on a playground?
2. Wanting said nap time
In the grand scheme of things, I think adults need 30 minutes during their workday designated to take a nap more than six-year-old children. I don't think anyone will be against bringing their napping towel or mat to work every day and having a group snooze.
3. Expected way too much out of your 20’s
When I was younger, I thought being 21 meant that I was so old and that I'd have all my life together...Ha! In actuality, the other night, I bought new towels, because I didn't want to do laundry.
4. Being 30 is not old
30 years old is far too close for it to be considered old, because then I would have to be considered old...and I am not ready for that commitment.
5. Household chores are not an option
You know when you were young and you didn't want to wash your dishes, yet they magically would be clean once your parents got home? Now, if you don't do the dishes, you have to eat your cereal with a fork.
6. Being young and innocent had its perks
I understand that knowing about political and societal problems is important, but, damn, I miss watching the television and only being intrigued by the talking Elmo during the commercials between the news.
7. Being tired is a lifestyle
Wake up, tired. Eat, tired. Class, tired. Work, tired. Go to bed, not freakin' tired. It is just safe to assume that I am always tired. But it's cool. I'M FINE.
8. Your parents are more than just mothers and fathers
I am sorry, what? My parents had lives before I blessed them with my presence…? Woah...
9. How expensive children are
Oh my god. HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF DIAPERS?! Nope. My kid is going to have to learn to use the toilet at three months old because there's no way will I be able to afford a luxury item like diapers.
10. Everything hurts
I thought I was still young, until one day I couldn't get off the couch, because, apparently, my entire body decided to shut down. But it's cool, I can be in my 20's and also not feel my back, that's cool.
11. $20 dollars is sadly not that much
As a child, $20 got me everything my little heart desired, which mostly consisted of skittles and starburst. As an adult, $20 only gets me a liter of cheap vodka and a single Sprite bottle for a chase.
12. Your mom’s debit card is much more fun to use than your own
My bank account hates me. To be fair, my mother's bank account probably hates me, too.
13. Fruit is hella expensive
You now feel a tinge of guilt every time you think back to when you use to throw your orange away from your school lunch.
14. Food, in general, is just too much money
I now only eat knock-off cereal, because it is a whole 32 cents cheaper than that fancy name-brand crunchy goodness.
15. Electricity is expensive
It does not matter if you are still afraid of the dark, a night light just means a few more cents each night added to your bill.
16. Okay, all utilities are expensive
When I lived with my parents, long showers were a daily occurrence. However those extended periods of relaxation and self reflection are too much of a spendy habit to maintain.
17. That your parents are saints
Your parents put up with your attitude when you were 13. Enough said.
18. Ice cream is more than just a dessert
It is sometimes the only taste of joy you get after semesters of casually reading 100 pages for one class per week, an unnecessarily long paper, exams that are definitely not on the material you learned and endless sleepless nights. Ice cream is more like a friend--a best friend.
19. A fully stocked fridge is a beautiful thing
It is amazing how creative you can get when all you have in your fridge is an apple, barbecue sauce and cottage cheese.
20. You are definitely not a real adult
You know when you are at a fast food restaurant and they provide those little paper cups for ketchup? I take about 20 extra of those each time to use for jello shots so I don't have to buy the plastic cups. Yeah, I am not an adult.
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