Ah yes, December 31st, the day of the year where we all sit and ask ourselves if we followed our 2016 new year’s resolution and what our new resolution will be starting when the clock rings midnight on January 1st. Well that and deck ourselves out in glittery dresses and drink too much champagne, but that’s beside the point. I’ve been thinking a lot about society’s new year's resolutions, and quite frankly I feel like they’re usually pretty pointless. Eat healthier, go to the gym, get fit, get asked on a date by Rodney the bank teller at TD bank. Sure these are all nice “ideas” or perhaps “dreams,” but in hindsight, they never happen. Let’s get real. Everyone will get a gym membership card that they use twice which they eventually surrender to the junk drawer in the kitchen until 2018 rolls around and they feel the need to go to the gym two more times. Everyone will go to Whole foods and buy a fancy looking jar of quinoa oatmeal and a package of freeze dried apples, which shocker are still in your snack cabinet from last year. You promise yourself you’ll eat healthy until you find yourself on January 3rd, crying into a sketchy Chinese to-go container of Lo Mein from Happy Wok. You say you’ll be nicer as you flip the guy off who cut you off on the parkway on the way to work. You say you’ll stop cursing but that trendy mom at the supermarket was so “Goddamn F*;k!&^ annoying” that you go back on your word pretty quickly. We all sit around and watch the year go by and our fated resolutions are lost in the sea of what ifs, has beens, possibilities, and solid attempts.

So I’ve been thinking about New Year’s resolutions. I decided, instead of adopting your same old New Year’s resolution, to make a list of kick ass, amazing, wonderful resolutions that might ACTUALLY happen, in addition of course to the ones that probably won’t. So please, adopt one or more as your own, and I promise these resolutions won’t sit in the kitchen junk drawer or force you to feel guilty for eating Chinese food once a week.

1. Try some new pizza

I can tell you order from the same pizza place every single time you want pizza. Well I present you with a challenge. Try some new pizza! Travel to a new location with award winning slices as big as your face. Try some coal fired pizza, maybe a white pie. The options are endless and they are all waiting for you to put down the phone and the old takeout menu, get in your car, and find them.

2. Bust out some new dance moves

I know you, Miss "Too Scared To Bust a Move on the Dance Floor." This one is for you. Try some new dance moves! All it takes is a little courage. Seriously, the side step shaking your hips thing is awkward for everyone and is getting a little old. I’m currently working on the “whip/nae nae” and the “dab” and I think I’m getting pretty good. You should try too! Haven’t you always wanted to be the life of the party? Well get out of the corner of the room, put down that red solo cup, and go for it. I believe in you.

3. Call your parents

Pick up the phone and call your parents twice a week. It isn’t hard to do. They love you and they miss hearing from you. I don’t care if you don’t have anything to tell them. Ask Mama Debbie about her spin yoga pilates classes and her new juice cleanse and ask your Dad Stan about the stocks rising. It doesn’t take much to make your parents (the people who loved and raised you and care about you more than anyone in the world) smile.

4. Take a wild trip

Be spontaneous. I’m not talking go to Paris or Tokyo or Moscow- just get in the car and go explore somewhere you’ve never been before! Maybe there’s a beautiful part of your state you’ve never seen in your whole life, maybe there’s something touristy that you’ve avoided that you really should go check out. Get a few friends, fill your tank with gas and just drive. I’m sure you haven’t done something like this in a while.

5. Ice cream (enough said)

Vanilla with sprinkles is so 2016. Next time you go out for ice cream you better spice things up a bit! Look around at that beautiful glass freezer filled with frozen dairy treats of every flavor and kind. Cotton candy? Butter pecan? Mint chocolate cookie? Peanut butter ripple? WHY THE HELL NOT. Heck, go crazy, get whipped cream - maybe a cherry? This is your new year’s resolution after all.

6. Ask someone on a date

I don’t care who you are, as I have erased any and all gender roles from this resolution - go ask someone on a date! If you see someone cute getting coffee or you bump into someone on the street just ask them to hang out sometime. What’s the worst that can happen- they’re taken? Or they’re busy? I bet you they’ll be happy to go grab a cup of coffee or some cheese fries with you. Take a deep breath and just ask. It can’t hurt.

7. Learn to cook something

You don’t have to be a five star chef to master a couple recipes and learn to cook something. You don’t have to go all crazy and cook something wild; really it’s quite simple. Pick something you like to eat: spaghetti and meatballs, chicken parm, penne with vodka sauce (I seriously don’t care watch some Tasty videos for inspiration) and find a recipe and cook! Once you’ve finished, invite a few friends over for dinner- I promise you they’ll probably lie to you if the food sucks, in which case you can just try, try again.

8. Compliment a stranger

We’re all so good at doing this. You see someone wearing a shirt you like, or an acquaintance of yours cut their hair and they look awesome and you simply just think the compliment instead of speaking it out loud. TELL THE PERSON. It feels good to be complemented! Honestly, compliments go a really long way and you could turn that person’s whole day around.

9. Do something out of your comfort zone

It doesn’t have to be something too crazy, just try something new. Take that mic at Thursday night karaoke at the bar- of course you can’t sing, there will be videos and snapchats to remember that forever! Go on a run- your sneakers are underneath your boots in the back left of your closet and I don’t want to hear that you can’t find them. Who knows, maybe you’ll like it? Read a book if you hate to read. Harry Potter will always be great no matter your age. Trust me, you’ll thank me for this one.

10. Love yourself like Kanye loves Kanye

As Kanye says, “For me to tell you I’m not a genius, I would just be lying to you and lying to myself.” This man is pretty self absorbed, and says some pretty wild things- but bottom line is, the dude loves himself. So why can’t you? Wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’re a badass… because you are. Don’t settle for self hate or self destruction, loving who you are goes a long way.

2017 is YOUR year. Follow these resolutions and I know we will come out on the other side of these 365 days and you will know it just as well as I do.

Good luck, have fun, and for god sakes do not buy a membership to a gym if you won't actually go.