The Real Things Less Than Basic Girls Fear and Ultimately Don't Understand About Fall | The Odyssey Online
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The Real Things Less Than Basic Girls Fear and Ultimately Don't Understand About Fall

I don't hate you, I just don't get you (and I'm slightly intimidated), ya know?

Emily Juszczyk
Sep 26, 2016
Monmouth College
9
The Real Things Less Than Basic Girls Fear and Ultimately Don't Understand About Fall
The Odyssey

Fall is here!

Time to get ready for all the scary fall activities! Bring on the pumpkin patches, apple cider, and colder weather, and cute clothes.

If you're anything that isn't a basic white girl, this season may genuinely scare you, or confuse you. It might be more frightening than the haunted houses that are soon approaching. Though I am happy all y'all are hyped for those PSL and can't wait to bust out those ankle booties, please know the rest of us are terrified because we don't know how to basic. Enjoy (and please empathize) with the real terrors a non-basic gal fears in these next few months.

PSL (Pumpkin Spice Lattes)

I love a good latte, do not get me wrong here! But, I do not like PSLs, and find them quite disgusting. I now know for the next chilly months I will have to walk into any coffee shop and have the barista stare me down wondering why I didn't order the classic fall drink. Sorry, my taste buds are bitter, not basic.


Layers

Every girl with any fashionable bone in her body has been waiting for the first leaf to fall to break out the 7 layer outfit. This beautiful talent will contain at least a vest, scarf, leggings, sweater, and probably a cute hat or other accessory. I, one the other hand, along with any other person who can't layer, will be rocking a sweatshirt or flannel and the one vest I have. Please don't hate me, because I ain't ya.

Candles

I bought them! I tried them. Now I'm living in a mixed up scented world of Sweater Weather, Crisp Apple Pie and Pumpkin Pecan Waffles. Send help..and a fire extinguisher.

Leaves

The second an orange leaf hit the ground, it's fall. Which is fine, until the whole sidewalk is filled with wet leaves from a Kansas rainy day and then the leaves start sticking to your car and the dry leaves start dancing in the wind at night and you think they are small animals in the distant road as you're driving. This nature should be neat, but it scares me more than necessary. Also, have you ever tried to throw wet them up in the air? 0/10, F-, much leaf pieces in your eyes and hair, would not recommend, especially after a rainy day.

Patches of any picking kind

I went to a pumpkin patch once. One of the most stressful times of my life, and I'm not talking about being in the corn maze (I rocked that maze like a wagon wheel). I'm talking about the fear of picking the right pumpkin to take a picture with and later carve or paint. Eventually, after an hour of searching you realize the "perfect one" you have claimed as the prized winner is the same one you called "ugly" 45 minutes ago. Honestly, maybe picking apples might be more my speed, except I'm not to sure what to do with 20 apples once we're done...

Plaid and Scarves

I will admit to owning a plaid flannel, but after that, I'm lost and confused. Why do you need so many of these? How do you have scarves that manage to match anything? (This probably goes back to my lack of fashion sense). Also, how do you tie them? Send help, and the fire extinguisher.

So I'm not very basic and that's cool. Maybe you are, and that's cool too. You enjoy your PSL and leaves, I'm going to go hide inside, or maybe by a bonfire, those can be basic, right?

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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