Helping someone through depression isn’t something that you can train for. It’s as complicated as talking someone out of a potentially critical situation, to just sitting in bed with them while they talk and cry. Seeing that depression is an actual illness is something we need to have a reality check about. Some people are really sick, and it does involve medicine or talk therapy. It's not glamorous. I'm not "brave."

As a realist with depression, I have told myself that there are people who care about me and want to see me happy. There are ways for them to help. The worst part is that people can’t read my mind. But if they could, they would realize that I feel alone when I am really not. But depression isn’t independent. One thing I thought was that people wouldn’t understand. But just telling people that I was drowning wasn’t enough.

People are constantly telling me that I am being a pessimist. The problem with having depression is that it’s so hard to see the positive side of situations. Heck, it’s hard to “see” depression. Talking with someone who has depression and responding with “I just want you to be happy” is not a viable response (I have heard it too many times this year). I can be happy. It’s everything else that is more difficult.

There are a few things I have to say about depression. It’s more than just “being sad” or being told to “smile” by strangers. It’s the wave that hits you when you’re happy or when the water is stable. It’s the thing that gets your drowns you even more. It’s sleeping in and missing work or class and feeling a lack of motivation to eat or even get dressed. Depression makes you lose focus, stop thinking, stop sleeping, stop empathizing, stop feeling passionate. The way I put it to a friend was that you are standing straight up in a bubble suit and have drank water to the point of being full. People and things keep dumping water in, thinking or seeing the need of more water, but it keeps building up until you stop breathing at some point.

But not everything is sad. Being a realist has made me believe that anything can change. Depression isn’t a dead end. Depression is manageable. It’s something that knocks your feet out from under you, and you have to find creative ways to stand up again.

Being a realist is knowing that you may not have control over it all, but you can find some kind of sanity. You are not crazy. You are not normal. But you are a person. And you can do anything anyone else can. You can get through this. And that is real.