Education
Stonehill College, B.S. in bs
Have been bleeding purple from 2014 - forever.
Graduated with the honor of "D's get degrees."
Experience
DJ, Sheehan Hall, Room 114
Create dank playlists on Spotify.
Provide an inclusive and welcoming pre-game environment on the weekends.
Stack Cup Champion, October 2015 - present
Examines trajectory and force needed to successfully bounce a ping pong ball into a red Solo cup.
Runs the table with confidence and professionalism.
Strategically avoids getting b*tch cup.
Fashion Consultant, September 2014 - present
Sufficient at boob taping in a resourceful manner, can use duct tape, safety pins or even bathing suit pads in order to achieve maximum support for the girls.
Semi-effectively paint on winged eye liner while two shots deep, can put on mascara while three shots deep.
Life Coach, September 2015 - September 2015
Offered objective advice on various life problems of others, ranging from boy troubles to academic struggles.
Was let go after one week because no longer met qualifactions of having a life that was put together.
Skills
Consistency
The Dunks workers know my order by heart.
Time Management
Can make it to the Science Center from the Heights in under seven minutes when needed.
Has completed a 10-page research paper in a total of six hours.
Bilingual
Can speak English and SMS fluently, conversational in drunk white girl.
