"There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -- light trumps darkness, every time. You stick a candle into the dark, but you can't stick the dark into the light." - Jodi Picoult
I know you are hurting. Right now, you feel like there is no way that you can keep going and that is understandable. I know that if you multiplied your pain by the number of bones in your body, it still would not reflect the amount of pain in your heart. And it seems like no matter what you do, that pain keeps overwhelming you and it keeps making you feel like you’ve lost control. It mocks you and makes you feel ashamed for crying. It is a monster, that was created by a monster, trying to make you believe that you deserve to feel this way. I know. I’m there with you, but we can’t let it win.
I know that you feel like you are the problem. You’ve been told for so long that you are that you started believing it to be true. But you are not the problem. You did nothing wrong. But still, your brain will tell you otherwise and all the hurt will make you want to do things that you’ve never even thought about before. You will think you’re going crazy. You will think that maybe it would be easier to just let the monster win. Maybe it would be easier to just surrender and let it get what it wanted in the first place.
I know that it feels this way, but this, this is just a moment in time that happened to be bad. It will not last forever. Just in case no one has told you, I want you to know that you are loved and that someone does not stop thinking about you. I want you to know that someday, this will not keep you up at night or make you afraid to close your eyes. This hurt will turn into scars, which will turn into strength, and I want you to proudly show all that strength to everyone you meet. And if the world calls your scars ugly, you tell it that it is wrong. Tell the world that your scars are beautiful because they tell a story. A story of pain and suffering that did not win. And if the world has a problem with that, then that’s not your problem, darling. Feeling lost and scared is normal and we all will feel this way at some point in our lifetime. You just may have a little extra time with this feeling before it decides to leave.
I promise you that you are stronger than you think. You are also much braver than you even realize. Remember that you came into this world with bright eyes full of wonder and there is nothing that says that has changed. You do not lose something like that. You may have simply misplaced it. Let me help you find it. If you feel like no one wants you here, listen to me when I say that I truly want you here. Even when it feels false, remember that you are loved.