Brock Turner, used here as the literal textbook definition of a rapist, is appealing his 3-month, wrist-slap of a sentence for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.

Notice how I didn’t say: “Brock Turner, the former Stanford University student and champion swimmer.” Your “accomplishments” mean nothing to me. Let that be clear.

On December 1, 2017, Turner’s lawyer, Eric Multhaup, submitted a 172-page brief appealing the sexual assault conviction. 172 pages.

Now, I’ve read this brief. All 172 repulsive pages of it. And I must say, this lawyer has really outdone himself --his level of incompetence and complete loss of a moral compass is riveting.

Multhaup claims the sleaze-ball, and that’s being kind, did not have a fair trial for several reasons, including the exclusion of a “character witness” who was to attest to Turner’s honesty, as well as his academic and swimming career.

Here’s the reason your “character witness” can’t help you, Prick Turner: the “person” you pretend to be in the daylight means nothing. People fake sincerity all the time.

For example, let’s take a look at Harvey Weinstein, a man who sexually assaulted more than 50 women.

"I’ve known Harvey for 20 years. He gave me my first big break as an actor in "From Dusk Till Dawn," George Clooney said about Weinstein. “We’ve had dinners, we’ve been on location together, we’ve had arguments. But I can tell you that I’ve never seen any of this behavior—ever."

If George Clooney were to speak as a character witness, he would only be able to attest to Weinstein’s character as HE knows it. He has no idea what kind of behavior Weinstein is capable of with others. And that’s at no fault of Clooney’s. He only knows who Weinstein allows him to see. Again, people fake sincerity all the time.

Multhaup’s second reasoning for the appeal: the HEAVY intoxication of the survivor, Ms. Emily Doe.

Let’s just get one fact straight: you cannot legally consent to sex while intoxicated. So, what exactly is Multhaup’s argument in the 60-something-pages he emphasizes how intoxicated Ms. Doe was? If the argument is that she couldn’t consent to sex, then he's right. She couldn’t. She was drunk and she was unconscious. Forcing sex on someone who is too drunk to give consent is Criminal Sexual Conduct in the Third Degree.

Let’s take a quick look at the Department of Justice’s definition of rape, as if we don’t already know what it means.

“The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”

Ms. Doe was intoxicated and unconscious. She could not consent. Which means, when Brock Turner had his fingers inside of the survivor, he was raping her. Thank you for further proving why your “client” is a rapist. Not only are you a scummy lawyer, you’re a dumb one, too.

The final “reasoning” for submitting the appeal had to do with the placement of Ms. Doe’s body. Page 137 of the appeal states:

“Ms. Doe was found passed out was strewn with pine needles, as are many parts of the campus. As Deputy Sheriff Taylor testified, Ms. Doe was found in an open area adjacent to a three-sided wooden enclosure where a dumpster was usually kept. On this night, the dumpster was out of the enclosure and not in the immediate proximity of the site where Ms. Doe was found. Deputy Taylor stated that she was “lying on the ground” in a position where “[h]er head was closest to the dumpster enclosure and her feet were furthest away from it.”

Your first sentence is the only thing I, or any morally correct human being, need to know. She was passed out. Unconscious. Incoherent. As if it matters the campus has pine needles throughout it. I walk through my campus all the time where, hey guess what, there are pine needles.

I don’t come back from class with dozens of them sewn and strewn into my hair. It takes force, aggressive force, for that to happen. Within reaching distance to the dumpster or not is not the issue.

Rape can happen anywhere and at any time.

I hope that they do re-open this case for trial. Because I hope the judge and jury have a second chance to make Brock Turner pay for what he did. I hope they convict him of the original 14-year sentence in prison. Because even that isn’t enough.