12 Things I'd Rather Own Than An iPhone | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

12 Things I'd Rather Own Than An iPhone

Unpopular opinion: they're the worst.

124
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5c/Broken_Apple_iPhone_5C_Pink_Shallow_Focus.JPG
Wikimedia

In This Article:

There are some people that will drop a thousand dollars on the newest iPhone without thinking twice about it. I, however, am not one of those people. I wouldn't use an iPhone if you paid me a thousand dollars. With the exception of a nice camera, the only features I've seen on iPhones are broken screens and expensive costs.

No, thank you.

Why spend so much money on something so expensive and with so few capabilities? To put things into perspective, I've come up with a list of items more functional or practical than an iPhone. So, without further ado, I present to you a list of things that I would rather buy, and use in public, than an iPhone.

1. This handy organizer!

Everyone has lost the TV remote at least once in their lives. With this handy tool, you can always have the TV, and any other remote of your choosing, close to you at all times. Your phone. Your keys. A pen. All these things can be stuck to you and available at any time.

Bonus feature: it keeps your chin and forehead warm. I would rather walk around with my essentials attached to my head than have to get an iPhone.

2. Finally, an automated DVD rewinder!

This is every 90's child's dream, finally a way to rewind those pesky Compact Discs and DVDs. Do you miss fighting with your siblings over who gets to rewind the VHS tape? Do you miss inwardly cursing at the person that didn't rewind it before you got the rental?

Well now, all of those familiar feelings can be felt once more with this great household staple! Why get an iPhone when you can bring back nice family memories?

3. Umbrella Heels are the new rain boots.

This one's easy. Will your iPhone keep your feet dry and warm while being the epitome of fashion? I didn't think so. You're welcome.

4. Not just any Crocs, but yellow platform Crocs.

A great thing about crocs has always been their customizability. Now, with these platformed beauties, you can make a statement while making a statement. Why would I want an iPhone like millions of other people, when I could be truly unique as I strut around campus in these?

5. The hair tie of the future.

I always have a hard time finding a hair tie when I need one, and I hate when your pesky hair gets in the way of what you're doing. Don't be fooled, this product isn't just great for when you're eating. It can also be used for doing homework in your room, taking a test in class, or just hanging around with friends when you're having a bad hair day.

Will your iPhone help you in any of these situations? No. With an iPhone, you're short a thousand dollars and still have hair in your soup.

6. Portable, wearable toilet paper.

Have you ever been somewhere and thought, "Wow, I could really use some toilet paper right now"? But when you reached into your pocket, all you pulled out was an iPhone. How are you supposed to wipe your face, or any part of your body, with an iPhone and get clean?

Whether you have a runny nose, you're in a public restroom, or you just want to be prepared for anything, this headpiece allows for fashion and function that go beyond the scope of an iPhone. The best part is, the replacement pieces for this are sold, not individually for $100+ per screen.

7. On a more healthy note...

Time to tackle more serious issues: health and wellness. No technology can help you achieve wellness the same as a balanced meal and proper hydration. When you hydrate, make sure to stay away from the regular water with those trans fats; they're no good for you.

Low fat and diet water are definitely the way to go. If you were stuck in a desert, diet water would help keep you alive for weeks. An iPhone would run out of battery in a day.

8. Just in time for Halloween!

If you were looking for a way to get into the Halloween spirit this season, look no further. What is more spooky than sitting on a toilet covered in unknown, glowing chemicals? What would be more unnerving in a dark room than wondering if other people could see your butt glowing?

What's more startling than a cold toilet seat in the morning? Not an iPhone, that's for sure.

9. Even THIS horrifying item.

Are you tired of pooping rounded shapes? Well boy, do I have a product for you. I'm not going to go into the details, but man, will you be happy when it's all over.

10. Snow shovels for the winter!

If you buy a shovel, it will never snow. I think that's how the philosophy goes. When you've got shoes for the rain, it seems only fair that you also get these little shovels for when it begins to snow.

Why wear snow boots and use a normal shovel when you can throw on your six-inch stilettos, strap on these shovels, and practically watch the snow melt before your hotness?

11. And this handy device.

We're nearing the end. As you wind down, you may find yourself wanting to kick back and open a cold one with the boys. Don't you just hate actually having to hold the cold one? Doesn't it get...cold?

Well now, you don't have to touch a can ever again! Really, the only way I can think an iPhone would be useful here is as a coaster so your table doesn't get cold, either.

12. The best reminder!

Last but not least, we have a way to remind ourselves of what's important. Sure, I guess you could set alarms on your phone or schedule items in your calendar. But why do that when you can be hip with all the youngins and sport some sick ink? This is a perfect opportunity to try out that grocery list tattoo you've always wanted before you get it for real.

Just put it on, see how you feel, buy some milk, and if it still seems like a good idea at the end of the day, go get that bad boy inked on. I mean, you buy some of the same items every time anyway, right?

But, in all seriousness, think about how you're spending your money before you spend it. Is a thousand-dollar phone the best investment? Especially as a student? A parent? A new graduate? If it's something you feel you must have, then go for it. But there are so many other things you can do with that money, some of which are listed above, but that is by no means an exhaustive list.

Stop paying thousands of dollars to fit in. Start trying to find ways to stand out. I recommend the yellow platform Crocs.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

A Few Thoughts Every College Freshman Has

The transition into adulthood is never easy

8626
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
college

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

3853
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Power of Dressing Up

Why it pays to leave the hoodie at home.

2812
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Signs You Live At The Library As Told by 'Parks And Recreation'

A few signs that you may live in the library whether you'd like to admit it or not.

2552
brown wooden book shelves with books

Finals week is upon us. It is a magical time of year during which college students everywhere flock to the library in attempt to learn a semester's worth of knowledge in only a week. For some students, it's their first time in the library all semester, maybe ever. Others have slaved away many nights under the fluorescent lights, and are slightly annoyed to find their study space being invaded by amateurs. While these newbies wander aimlessly around the first floor, hopelessly trying to find a table, the OGs of the library are already on the third floor long tables deep into their studies. Here is a few signs that you may live in the library, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments