TW: discussion of rape and sexual assault

How did you react to the Brock Turner case, when you heard the full details of what he did? How did you react to the accusations against Jameis Winston at Florida State University? Or the Steubenville football team incident?

You've probably heard the term "rape culture" thrown around by now, especially given the current publicity surrounding sexual assault. But, unfortunately, you've most likely heard it tossed at someone with no explanation. Maybe even thrown in your direction?

The way people respond to stories of rape and/or sexual assault in general is very misleading, because there are certain assumptions lying beneath the surface that are far more sinister than the good intentions we claim to see.

At the root of most, if not all reinforcements of rape culture, is simply where you place your focus. Many people, one way or another, focus on the victim. This leads to an emotionally-traumatizing pattern called "victim blaming," and some victims report the aftermath being worse than the actual assault.

"You shouldn't have been wearing that."

"Why were you drinking [so much]?"

"Why didn't you try doing [X,Y,Z] to stop it?"

These are the less conspicuous forms of victim blaming. Assuming that a person's attire, sobriety, or actions (or lack thereof) caused their rape is dangerous because it leaves out one crucial element: the rapist. No rapist means no rape. Anyone can wear, drink, and do anything they want, and they won't be raped because there is no rapist.

"Make sure you always stay in groups or with a friend."

"Don't go anywhere by yourself."

"Don't do [X,Y,Z]."

This is where things get tricky. The concern for the person's well-being is more evident, but beneath the surface lies an even darker sentiment than victim blaming: victim displacing. When you tell someone to be careful in response to a sexual assault story, and you don't focus on the criminal who committed this heinous act, the message being delivered is "make sure it's someone else."

In the wake of the Brock Turner case, parents across the country told their teenage/young adult daughters to "be careful out there," or some variation of that. Which is fine. At no point do I want to dissuade parents from caring about their children's safety. The issue is that there is more to say. Much more.

In addition to being careful, people should be encouraged to step in if they see something. Keep an eye on your surroundings, but not just for yourself...for anyone who might be in danger.

Worse yet, likely a very small fraction of those same parents told their sons anything concerning the case, let alone the importance of rejecting any sense of sexual entitlement.

I'm not saying we accuse every son in America of being a potential rapist. But I am saying that we reinforce proper social development and egalitarian values so that such potential never comes to fruition.

The problem is that people have come to accept that "this is just the way things are." That cringe-worthy phrase "boys will be boys" comes immediately to mind. But it's oh so wrong. Things don't have to be this way. There are relatively small changes we can make that will have incredible benefits to the lives of so many people.

Boys will be boys. And they will be held accountable for their actions.