Recently, a friend sent me an article to ask my opinion on a certain subject and the comment conversation that spawned from it. It described a situation in which a girl joined a dating app, only to quickly receive an unwanted photo, to say the least. Though this isn't exactly an uncommon occurrence on dating apps that allow photos, it's what she did with the conversation that made the article worth the read: she sent screenshots to his mother.

Now though that may seem like an interesting topic to talk about, I was more interested in the comments section that followed. Among it were many varying opinions on the morality behind sending the photos, whether she should have even responded, and many other topics, but the one that stood out to me was a debate on the existence of rape culture.

One of the first things I noted was that it was only men who were denying the complete existence of rape culture. Most of the women had similar responses to one another that could be summed up in the question, "Are you crazy?" Some of the other comments that stemmed from the article called it "fake feminazi crap" and said "Rape culture, really? Of course it's funny she sent it to his mom, but how did he intend to rape her?"

This got me thinking. What is rape culture? Is it something we have in America? Is there a difference between rape culture and the objectification of women?

As I thought more about the man's actions in the article, I realized what his actions seemed to me: a more egotistical version of flashing. He assumed that, though he had barely just met the woman, that "she wanted it" and "she'll enjoy it, even though she didn't ask for it." This is the kind of mindset that constitutes "rape" culture, versus a literal rape culture. Though the man likely had no intent to physically rape the woman who received the photograph, she was, in a way, assaulted with photos that she did not want and did not ask for. The idea that women want attention of this kind given to them on a regular basis is what causes a "rape" culture within a society.

Where does this thought process come from?

There are many people who see what this man did as an acceptable action, even having just met the woman, through an app, no less. Where does this come from?

I would initially be inclined to point towards sexualized advertisements for the cause of these thoughts. As anybody who has ever watched a commercial knows, though females may sometimes be the intended audience of a sexual advertisement, it is mainly geared towards men.

Though she may have reacted with a flustered mind, it takes somebody like the woman in that article to make a guy stop doing what he did. There are, I would be willing to estimate, hundreds of thousands of guys, if not millions out there who think this is a perfectly okay practice, not just in the sending of pictures, but in the immediate thought that asking for sex over any form of dating site is okay only moments after meeting somebody. These are the type of men who think "no" means "continue" online and likely in person. If that isn't rape culture, I'm not sure what is. These thoughts lead to bigger things offline, mainly rape, along with alcohol or drug influenced sex... also known as rape. A casual conversation on any given dating app or site has a high chance of going somewhat like this:

Guy: "Hey"

Girl: "Hey"

"What's up?"

"Not much, you?"

"Same. But you could come over.../*similar phrase with same intention*"

"No, sorry, not here for that / *other excuse to make them leave the girl alone*"

"Oh okay..." *never receives another message again*

We live in a society now where people think it's perfectly normal to have sex with somebody just because you can. Just because there are people you can reach with the touch of a button (both in real life and pornographically), people automatically think that's what you should be doing. These things have become so normalized in our society that people don't realize the harm they are causing to themselves and to the people on the other side (again, either in real life or pornographically - see this video). A lot of what it comes down to global porn use. People see the girl on their screen, whether through porn, or for a Victoria's Secret ad, or a car or perfume commercial, and see her as something that's there to fulfill desires. Girls are no longer people to have a relationship with or to grow old with, but something to have sex with and never speak to again. Honestly, if you could correct that thought process in Americans, a ridiculous number of problems would be solved: rapes, a large portion of teenage pregnancies, human trafficking and prostitution, single mothers left to raise their children alone because their dad found "somebody better," not to mention what those children will end up taking part in themselves due to lack of a father. Women should be able to walk from the bus stop to their job building without being whistled at, just as much as a businessman should be able to ride the bus without having his abs touched by a complete stranger, because that's how it feels. Being stared at, whistled at, and catcalled feels like you're being touched by a complete stranger who should never be that close to your body, but you don't have a choice. I don't know, maybe there are some guys who wouldn't mind having their body randomly caressed on the subway, just as some girls may consider catcalling a compliment. But to the general whole, it isn't a good thing. All of this is meant to say that "rape culture," whether you want to call it that or not, is a legitimate thing. It causes guys to act in a manner demeaning to women and think it is perfectly okay. It isn't, and things need to change.